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Unmasking Hidden Abuse: Recognising Non-Physical Abuse in Relationships

Abuse manifests in various forms, and non-physical abuse can be equally damaging. Recognising the signs and understanding the impact of non-physical abuse is crucial for identifying and addressing abusive relationships.

What is Non-Physical Abuse?

Non-physical abuse, often termed coercive control, includes patterns of manipulation, intimidation, and threatening behaviour used to terrorise the other party. While physical abuse is more widely recognised, emotional abuse can be just as debilitating. Emotional abuse starts subtly, with small, infrequent incidents that may not initially seem abusive. Over time, these actions escalate, creating a state of constant fear and control.

Common Forms of Non-Physical Abuse

  1. Abusive ‘Jokes’
    • Disguising insults as jokes to undermine you in front of others.
    • Laughing at your expense and dismissing your hurt as oversensitivity.
  2. Overprotection
    • Demanding to know your whereabouts and loved ones at all times.
    • Imposing curfews and disguising control as concern for your safety.
  3. Emotional Stonewalling
    • Withdrawing emotionally and physically without explanation.
    • Responding to your attempts at communication with silence and coldness.
  4. Grand Gestures
    • Making extravagant gestures to appease you after unacceptable behaviour.
    • Creating a false narrative of a perfect relationship with outsiders.
  5. Gaslighting
    • Causing you to question your memory and reality.
    • Denying past statements and manipulating you into self-doubt.
  6. Irrational Guilt
    • Making you feel responsible for their abusive behaviour.
    • Convincing you that your reactions are the problem.
  7. Unprovoked Jealousy
    • Distrusting your friends and isolating you from loved ones.
    • Creating a sense of complete isolation to control you.
  8. Financial Control
    • Monitoring and questioning your spending.
    • Restricting your financial freedom and decisions.
  9. Preferring to Be Alone
    • Feeling relief when your partner is away.
    • Experiencing less stress and pressure in their absence.
  10. Lack of Empathy
    • Showing no compassion for your problems.
    • Judging you as overly emotional and forcing you to focus on their needs.

Recognising the Signs and Finding Help

Understanding these signs is the first step in recognising non-physical abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing these behaviours, seeking help from trusted friends, family, or mental health services is essential. Non-physical abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse, and addressing it is crucial for the well-being and safety of the survivor and their loved ones.

Recognising and escaping non-physical abuse involves breaking free from the manipulation and control exerted by the abuser. With professional support and awareness, survivors can begin the journey towards healing and reclaiming their independence.

If you or your loved ones are experiencing any form of abuse, you may reach out to any of the following free Mental Health Services, which are offered 24/7:

1579—National Mental Health Helpline

179—National helpline offering support on social welfare services and agencies

1770—Richmond Foundation Helpline

Olli.chat—Richmond Foundation Chat


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