Fostering a child doesn’t necessarily make a fostered child happy. I have been fostered since I was 2 years old, and this is my experience…
I would like to share with you what it’s like for someone who has been fostered for 18 years as I see many comments from people who are anti-abortion they think adoption or fostering a child is the answer.
I have been fostered since I was 2 years old, meaning I do not remember going to different families until they find the “right“ one. But other fostered children do and I know it how mentally tiring and difficult this must be.
I was lucky to have a family from a young age but before I was fostered between the ages of 6 months and 2 years, different families used to take me out with them. Thank God I don’t remember because people still contact me on facebook telling me they used to take me out on Sundays and sending me pictures. I’m like who are you? I try not to think about it to be honest because it messes up my mind even more.
I have always had whatever I wanted but I never feel I belong most of the time. I appreciate whatever the family I live with has provided, but I still feel like I’m here just to fulfil their dream of being parents, something they always wished for since they could not have any kids. I feel like a replacement just filling a void to help them feel better. Apart from feeling like a replacement, I feel like I can’t talk it out with them because I feel like I should owe them something just because I have a family.
I have 4 other half siblings. I do not get to meet them often because they don’t live with me. We are ALL separated and my eldest brother took a wrong path since he was never fostered or adopted and felt he was the only one left out. I know this because he used to talk about his problems out with me. My eldest brother was abused in an institute where he should had felt safe. He used to get good grades and could have had a better life until one day he ended up in the wrong path and living with “friends” because he was old enough to be independent. He ended up homeless. Now I don’t even know whether he’s alive or not. He used to contact my real mum and used to go to her when he did something wrong. One day he told her he stole a PlayStation for money to use for drugs. instead of helping him she changed her phone number and telephone number. So whoever says “just put them up for adoption” you have NO idea what it’s like.
I always remember having anxiety attacks and went through certain other experiences. I always felt I was responsible for my siblings as I’m the oldest after my brother even though none of this was our fault. I feel useless and a product of my mum’s mistake because my mum was a prostitute and that’s how she got pregnant with me.
I was taken away from her because she used to leave me on the pavement ALONE in a push chair when I was still a baby. All of this is written and confirmed by court. After certain reports were made, reporting they found a baby, I was taken to an institute. I was forced and had to go see her weekly for years and then thank God I could choose not to when I was 16. None of us siblings goes to see her now and I’m glad.
She cannot even have the title of being called a mother. She was not ready to be one at 13 years old. Had she had another choice we would not all end up as a consequence, and maybe she would have had a better life too. But no she went to Gozo to deliver my eldest brother because that’s what used to happen before, and left him there.
Did her life get any better? No. Life is tough already, this is extra and there are 5 of us all suffering, my mum and my four siblings. My real mum did not want me to have a family, a minister had to sign for me that time.
I want those who suggest putting children up for adoption instead of allowing a woman to have a choice, I want them to understand that adoption and fostering a child is not the answer, it is so mentally tiring seeing those kind of comments, it keeps on living with you.
It’s never easy. I just have to pretend everyday to be seen as the perfect child so that I won’t be sent back to the institute. For those saying it does not matter what happened before, it still does because it just lives with you and eats you from inside knowing you were never there for your little sister or brother. It’s not my fault but I still feel responsible for everything.
Please do not just put up a one fits all solution for everybody else. Give advice yes, but women need choices, women need support and need to do what’s best for them, and not what looks good for you, because at the end of the day you’re not living their life. Thank you for taking your time to read my story, may it help others to realise that women need to have a choice, for love of themselves and their children.
For more information about fostering a child please visit https://fsws.gov.mt/en/appogg/Pages/Health-and-Family-Services/Fostering.aspx
If you have an experience you would like to share with our readers, please contact us or send us an email on [email protected]
