“I felt mesmerised looking at my newborn baby…little did I know that very soon I was going to receive the shocking news of GBS that turned our world upside down…”
I am a mother and trauma survivor; this is my story. On the 3rd December 2019 at 4:05 am sharp my husband and I welcomed our beautiful baby girl. We both felt overjoyed and at the same time surreal, as our little girl arrived 4 weeks prior to her due date. Our Christmas present came earlier that year- little did we know what was in store for our family.
As our baby rested during the day from her big step in life, I was mesmerised how little she was, and I just couldn’t stop looking at her. She was perfect in every way. As I breastfed her with the help of a midwife, she seemed to be a bit ‘lazy’, and we had to constantly wake her up. I was told that this was because of the pethidine I had taken during labour – my gut was saying something was off. At 9pm, a midwife came to help me attempt breastfeeding once again, however this time she was unable to latch.
Midwives suggested I give her a bottle, however I failed to give her a bottle too – I felt like such a horrible mother, I had no clue how to breastfeed my newborn baby and had no idea how to give her a bottle – perfect start! I went to the reception to get some help with the bottle and one of the midwives offered to give her the feed. After a few seconds this midwife said that ‘she is not sucking’ and told me they need to monitor her in the nursery and that she is in good hands. I was dead tired and they suggested I try to rest for a while. I went to my room and all I could think of was that my baby was taken away from me.
I finally managed to sleep and at around 2am a doctor came to tell me that she was transferred to intensive care because she had difficulty breathing. At 5 am I went to see her and saw her inside an incubator with 3 leads attached to her chest. At that point I didn’t even realise what was happening.
On the 4th December 2019 at 11:00am, I was having my lunch all alone because my husband was at home, when suddenly a nurse and doctor came in my room and gave me the shocking news that turned our world upside down. They told me that she had a blood infection and that it went to her brain. I felt brave and asked: “will she survive?” and the doctor said: “not all babies survive.” – that was it, I collapsed. The doctor said that she had meningitis – a word I always feared. I felt every limb and muscle in my body getting numb while my brain took a spin on its own. What was happening? My baby was in my tummy a few hours ago, what happened? I had to somehow pull up my socks and tell my husband and my family that our daughter was dying.
My husband rushed to hospital and we went to speak to the consultant and we were told that she has early onset Group B streptococcus (GBS), septicaemia and meningitis (1/4 women are GBS carriers.) He asked if I was feeling sick in anyway or if I was swabbed for this – but I wasn’t, so was this my fault? Was my baby sick because of me?
We went to see our daughter and what we saw was shocking as she was intubated with countless cables and pipes connected to every part of her body. I couldn’t stop crying, my baby was dying because of me! – this is exactly how I felt at the time, I felt that I was to blame for her sickness.
As days went by, our daughter remained stable and slowly started showing progress. An MRI was done on her after a few days that showed shocking results. We were told that potentially she could have severe long lasting side effects due to the damages caused in the brain because of the infection and she would need therapies such as physio, occupational therapy, and speech therapy – at least this time I wasn’t alone for this bad news.
Finally on 16th January 2020 we left hospital and started our life as a family at home. We consider this day as our daughter’s second birthday. Life since then has been far from easy, with all the running around to go from one therapy to the next while stressing over milestones and trying to enjoy “motherhood”. I spent a full year constantly worrying about her and her future, what could have been, and what will happen. The reality is that I have no control over what will happen. However, I am certain that my mission is to make pregnant mothers aware of GBS and to get tested as I wouldn’t want anyone else to pass from the same trauma we experienced. GBS is a deadly bacteria that can kill a newborn baby. Yes, most of the babies are not affected, but a very small percentage are, and the ones that are, could die or could have a very tough life ahead, so why risk it? At around 35-37 weeks of pregnancy, mothers should carry out the test and if a positive result comes back, antibiotics are given to the mother during labour. Taking intravenous antibiotics during labour could save your baby’s life.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t swabbed in time, and sadly I was given bad news when I was alone and vulnerable – past events and experiences will never change, however what did change is my perspective to life – we enjoy the little things in life and we celebrate every little victory.
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