According to the World Health Organisation, one in every four couples in developing countries are affected by infertility. This statistic is based on a biological and medical definition of infertility that looks at the inability of a heterosexual couple to conceive after a year of unprotected sex and the difficulty of a woman to carry a pregnancy to term. However, today, we are looking at a more comprehensive definition of infertility that includes queer families that are trying to have kids and single parents that would like to conceive without a partner amongst others.
Infertility can affect both men and women and can be caused by several factors. In women, these may include a history of miscarriages, endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease or previous treatment for cancer. On the other hand, men are seen by their doctors, if they have a family history of infertility or low sperm count. Men can also have problems with infertility if they have sexual problems or a history of testicular or prostate difficulties.
Facing infertility when wanting to start a family is tough. The numerous visits to the doctor, medical interventions and cycles of failed pregnancy tests are not only challenging physically but can also take its toll on our emotional and psychological well-being. Moreover, this process can challenge our intimate and sexual relationships. The focus of sex becomes very much intertwined with conceiving. Charts and temperatures are drawn out and sex starts happening around ovulation with the hope of getting a positive pregnancy test at the end of the woman’s menstrual cycle. When this does not happen, the couple passes through a grief process that can be manifested in anger, frustration, disappointment, and deep sadness. At times, although conception happens, pregnancy is not brought to term and results in miscarriage. In these instances, the sense of loss and pain is tremendous because the couple is given hope that was cruelly snatched away.
If you have experienced infertility, it is important to understand that you are not broken. Moreover, it is important to understand that you are not alone, and help is at hand. Since this process is usually stressful, and anxiety-provoking, we need to take care of ourselves and our relationships. Self-care, compassion, love, and kindness can be crucial during a time that can be traumatic, difficult and life changing.
Have you experienced infertility? Would you like to share your story with us at wham, either in your name or anonymously? Contact us or send us an email on [email protected]
Anna Catania (M.Cons. PG(Dip) Psychosexual and relationship therapy is a warranted counsellor specialised in the area if sex and relationships. She provides counselling to individuals and couples who are having difficulties with sexuality, relationships and intimacy.
Click here to check out Anna’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
