FOMO – The Fear of Missing Out

FOMO relates to the fear and apprehension that others are having more exciting, rewarding and interesting experiences than you are, or are in possession of something more or better. This fear and apprehension compels us to check what’s going on elsewhere, easily achieved by scrolling through Instagram, Facebook or other social media sites. Needless to say, such checking behaviours only confirm one’s worst fears, that someone out there is better off than us and we are indeed missing out.

Have you ever observed people sitting in a café or restaurant with friends or family? If you have, you probably noticed many people looking at their phones despite sitting directly opposite another person. And, if not engaged with their phone, they have it perched on the table in front of them just in case an important message or notification comes in. You may also be aware of your own habits in terms of phone and social media use, such as the inclination to check your phone as soon as you wake up in the morning and last thing before you fall asleep, not to mention multiple times throughout the day. This may even bother you, yet you feel unable to resist the urge to check for messages, updates etc.

Social media is an amazing tool for keeping in touch with friends and family all around the world and enables us to have access to endless streams of information. However, social media sites work in such a way that you compare your everyday life to other people’s highlights, causing us to wrongly assume that our lives are quite average and boring at best. The fear is that other people are attending more exciting social events, meeting more interesting people and having more opportunities than you are, leading to feelings of sadness, anxiety and regret. To mitigate this, you may turn to Facebook or Instagram in the hope that your fears will be abated, only to find yourself feeling worse as a result. You may then be inclined to share what you’re doing, eating or have recently acquired to show that you also lead an interesting life, unwittingly feeding into the FOMO felt by others.

A study of university students at Carlton and McGill universities (Milyavskaya et al, 2018) found that students reported higher feelings of FOMO when tired, stressed or feeling unwell. Needless to say,  we’re more likely to feel fear and anxiety when already feeling emotionally and psychologically fragile, with low self-esteem and general life dissatisfaction fuelling FOMO.

Obsessive checking behaviours and over-use of our phones often results in us interrupting face-to-face interactions to check if something more important or interesting is happening elsewhere. Not only is this sending a silent message to whoever you’re with that they’re not as important as the messages or feeds being received, but it reduces the quality of your face-to-face interactions. The mistake being made here is that an interruption, in the form of a message, is seen as a connection, one which is possibly more exciting or important. In actual fact, it is a connection, but in order to attend to this new message, you’re diminishing the quality of the connection you’re currently engaged in.  The new connection isn’t necessarily better, it’s just different. Such behaviour leads to less satisfying, nourishing relationships which can then lead to feelings of sadness, isolation and loneliness.

So, with all that said, what can we do to reduce our fear of missing out and feel more satisfied with our lives as they are? See below for some ideas:

Accept that you’re experiencing FOMO – Acknowledging that you feel anxious about what you may be missing out on, and possibly insecure about yourself and your life, is the first step in making positive changes.

Limit phone activity

Accept your life as it is right now – Rather than comparing yourself to others, try to acknowledge that we all achieve things at different stages. It’s not a race or a competition as to who’s invited to the most parties, who travels the most, or who has the most friends.

Choose wisely what you pay attention to – Until you get to a point where you’re happier with yourself and more accepting of the life you have, filter out any posts, or people whose posts make you feel sad, angry or inferior. 

Seek out real connections – Instead of sitting at home messaging people and scrolling through Instagram, see if a friend is available to meet for a coffee, a walk or a meal. Really be present with this person and not focused on anything that may be happening elsewhere.

Avoid the temptation to over-post – Rather than relying on public validation of your experiences and achievements, try to practice privately appreciating yourself and your life achievements.

Enjoy the moment – It’s quite ironic that our fear of missing out causes us to miss out on the experiences we’re currently engaged in. That coffee with a friend, the shopping trip with your sister, the belly laugh with your mum or that evening watching films with your partner – cherish these moments.

Practice gratitude – A useful daily exercise is to make note of three things you appreciated that day. Focusing on the small things can help us reduce the tendency to take things and people forgranted.

---

Do you have an experience you’d like to share with us at Wham, either in your name or anonymously? We’d love to hear from you! Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]