“As young girls, we have been taught to associate sexiness with external factors but confidence in women is the sexiest thing a woman can wear…”
I have recently followed a very interesting thread on Women for Women’s Facebook page about how we, as women can be sexier. There were range of comments from “I’m a goofball”, “trying to be sexy makes me cringe” to “be happy in your own skin”, ‘ we all have our own brand of sexy”.
As young girls, we have been taught to associate sexiness with external factors – the way our body looks, the clothes we wear, the make-up we apply, how thin we are. At times, we feel that unless we look like the models in women’s magazines we can never be good enough. However, research clearly shows that self-confidence and self-esteem are much more important – feeling good about yourself is directly linked to how sexy you feel, and consequently how desirable you will be to others!
Increasing self-esteem and confidence in women
Redefine your ideal of beauty. Do not focus on the beauty you see in magazines, but focus on the inner beauty you see in real people you admire.
Smile. We all prefer people with smiling faces to those who seem to be permanently frowning – a smile gives you a more pleasant appearance. Smiling also releases endorphins – hormones which make you feel positive – thus actually making you feel better about yourself!
Take a break from the mirror. Constantly looking at yourself in the mirror might increase your anxiety – focus on how you feel inside instead
Use feedback from others. You may not feel good about some of your features – but they might actually be what makes you endearing to others. Do not be afraid to accept feedback from those nearest and dearest to you
Focus on keeping healthy. Exercise and sensible eating will help you get in shape, but your body’s well-being also has a positive effect on your self-esteem – feeling healthy is good for you!
Define yourself in ways other than how you look. Your self-esteem should focus on your inner, not outer, qualities. Focus on what you like about your personality, relationships and abilities – and on the way you see the world. These features are usually easier to change than facial or bodily features.
Nourish relationships which make you feel good about yourself. Are there people in your life who constantly make you feel bad about yourself by focusing on your negative aspects? Try spending more time with people who make you feel good about yourself by giving you honest and positive feedback.
Spice it up in the bedroom. Knowing what you like, what pleasures you and your partner is sexy. Re-discover each other’s bodies, find new erogenous ones. Make time for sexual in intimacy, give it importance. Experiment with using sex toys and lingerie, create an intimate atmosphere with candles, scents and music.
In conclusion, get ready to embrace the newer, sexier you! Working on your self-esteem and self-confidence will make you feel better about yourself, feel sexier, and enhance your relationships with your significant others – a positively virtuous cycle if ever there was one!
Anna Catania (M.Cons. PG(Dip) Psychosexual and relationship therapy is a warranted counsellor specialised in the area if sex and relationships. She provides counselling to individuals and couples who are having difficulties with sexuality, relationships and intimacy.
Click here to check out Anna’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
