Dealing with mental illness as a single mother can be tough, especially when your biggest fear is that of having your kids taken away from you if you attempt to seek psychological or psychiatric help…
My marriage was a complete wreck, I had to walk out. When I finally found enough courage to leave with my four kids, I had to face new challenges. Broken as I was, I had to find a place to call home. Family and friends helped me out to find a place with low rent, they also helped me out with buying basic needs for the new home.
I had no job, searching for a job was no option at that time because I had no one to look after my kids when I’m at work. I had to rely on social assistance. Trying to get over my past and living the present with all the changes and responsibilities that it brought with it weighed heavily on me. Living on social assistance was a constant struggle. Trying to make ends meet, making sure there was always food on the table, children were clothed and all their school needs were met, paying bills and rent on time were a few things which were constantly on my mind.
Doing it all alone was no easy job, always something to do, something to plan or something to worry about. I never had time to pick up my broken pieces. I had to brave it and pretend that everything was alright. I did not want to upset my children or worry my family, but I used to cry on my own when nobody was watching. Deep down inside I knew I needed support, it was way too much to cope with on my own.
Still I kept going even though I felt depressed. Slowly I was losing my spark, I was feeling sad most of the time, I had no energy, I started having panic attacks, I avoided going out, I stopped doing things that I once enjoyed doing, I felt I was failing as a mum, I hardly slept at night because I worried too much. I used to dread mornings as they meant I had to face another day feeling hopeless and helpless.
I knew I had to do something about it. I knew I had to see a doctor to help me out. I knew psychotherapy could help me but I was afraid to seek help. So many fears kept me stuck for quite some time. I was afraid of the stigma around dealing with mental illness, I was afraid tablets would make me sleep all day long, I was afraid they would admit me to a mental hospital, but my greatest fear was that my children will be taken away from me.
The longer I waited the worse I got until I had no way out except to reach out for help because I had hit rock bottom. I started with psychotherapy, who told me that I needed to see a psychiatrist who could help me further. I started treatment and the first thing I noticed was that I was able to get some good sleep at night. By the end of the month I started noticing changes during the day too. I no longer dreaded mornings, I was able to cope, do one thing at a time.
Slowly I was getting back to feeling my own self again. I stopped feeling hopeless, I started enjoying life once again. It took me two years of treatment and therapy and I was back on my feet, stronger and wiser. I realised that all the fears that kept me from reaching out for help were unfounded. Nobody took my children away, instead I was given all the support I needed.
I got wiser because looking back at my life now, the therapy I got when I was at my worst helped me to notice the first signs of depression and act upon them. I never made the same mistake again, after all, mental illness is just an illness. It doesn’t define who you are.
I would advise others to seek help, the sooner the better. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay that sometimes you can’t do it on your own. Treatment will make you feel better and your outlook on life changes. Never give up on yourself, life will always have challenges but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
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The Women for Women Foundation continuously helps women like Antoinette get back on their feet after such traumatic experiences including dealing with mental illness. See how you too can help the Women for Women Foundation and make a difference in women’s lives today!
Antoinette is a survivor of child sexual abuse and domestic abuse. Alone she managed to raise four children and is keen to share her experiences about the struggles of having been a single mother.
She often talks about her difficult life openly in the hope of creating awareness of the unseen issues encountered by mothers doing everything alone on a tight budget, about domestic violence and other social issues.
