“Becoming a mother allowed me to embody a deeper, wholesome, grounded and pure form of motherhood happiness, a happiness like no other“…
In a world where opportunities for adventure, travel, employment, freedom and independence for women are becoming increasingly possible, the prospect of limiting ourselves by having children may seem unappealing. Although one may claim that raising children does not mean ceiling off our opportunities, children do present an obstacle and an extra responsibility. I will admit that before becoming a mother myself, I did not think I ever wanted to burden myself with children. The life of a mother was simply not one I envied.
I did not want to give up my freedom and all the things which made me happy. I could not possibly understand how motherhood happiness could ever be achieved.
However, whilst motherhood is anything but easy and the blissful joy, we often see advertised is in many ways false, my personal experience has opened my heart to authentic motherhood happiness. Although my life is now plagued with sleepless nights, endless mess, limited self-care and little ‘adventure,’ the embodiment of pure joy I have received is something I openly celebrate. It is a form of happiness which is not always apparent, yet it is always present, and its magnitude can be overwhelmingly beautiful.
There was one day where I realised how much my understanding of happiness and joy had changed. It occurred incredibly early on a very ordinary morning when my first baby boy was around 2-3 months old. In the weeks prior, he had suffered from severe constipation and had not been able to poop for several days (yes, it is a baby poop story). We had already resorted to giving him laxatives which would on some occasions work, but it was not a long-term solution. Being a young, inexperienced and new mother, I felt that I was somehow to blame. My breast milk was clearly not good enough and was leaving our baby boy wriggling in pain and discomfort.
On that morning I had had a rough night of little to no sleep. My little one had been up every hour but was still seemingly fixed on waking up for the day at 5am. I reluctantly got myself out of bed and headed for the changing table to change my baby’s nappy.
My eyes felt sore, my body was aching, and I was feeling sick, tired and dispirited. My exhaustion felt crushing and I was not ready for another day of being a mother.
However, as I went to change my baby boy’s nappy my mood took a sudden and swift change. My little boy had managed to make the biggest, messiest and smelliest baby poop I had ever seen. Whilst for most mothers this would not be a pleasant surprise, especially at 5am in the morning, I was ecstatic.
My dark mood was quickly wiped away and I remember feeling overcome by joy. I was so proud of my little boy who had managed to poop all by himself, and he now looked happy and content. I never thought I would feel such overwhelming motherhood happiness cleaning up baby poop, but that baby poop was a sign that my little boy was getting better. It is at that moment that I truly acknowledged gratitude for the first time. That baby poop was a gift and I have never been more grateful for it.
Before having my children, I had many reasons to be grateful. I have had a truly fortunate life, but I have not had the right mindset to fully appreciate it. After having taken on the responsibility for the safety and wellbeing of my children, I have become increasingly grateful for the smaller things in life. Being able to live in a safe country, not needing to worry about my next meal, having perfect health and a roof over my head are all treasures which I have only now come to understand.
Furthermore, with moments of peace or solitude becoming increasingly rare in my household, the few moments I do have to myself have become ever more precious. Before children, these were everyday occurrences meaning their simple beauty was lost amongst the grander events happening in my life. Yet now, a morning where I can enjoy a cup of tea without being interrupted is something I truly cherish.
Whilst my children have brought chaos to my life, they have also granted me a form of clarity. They have taught me how to enjoy life in its simplest form.
Whilst I had experienced moments of happiness in my life before having children, these were often connected to significant events such as travel, holidays, a new job, new studies or to material objects. These periods of satisfaction and joy were short lived and rather superficial. I was to a certain extent ‘chasing’ happiness, always thinking I would eventually find it in new country, new experience, new relationship, new job or new clothes. Becoming a mother allowed me to embody a deeper, wholesome, grounded and pure form of motherhood happiness, a happiness like no other. It is not a feeling which demands a great display, or which looks like much on the surface, it is instead a steady feeling of content and gratitude.
I do not intend to imply that it takes having children to become genuinely happy. I believe the practice of gratitude can allow us to live a more meaningful existence whether that is with or without children. My children and my experience of motherhood have simply allowed me to embody this form of happiness which I had not been able to do before. This is an aspect of motherhood I hold dear to my heart and which allows me to get through the hardest of times. Whilst I acknowledge the brutal and painful moments of motherhood, I also wish to praise its potential beauty.
About the Author
Raw Motherhood features one woman’s true, raw and honest real life journey through the highs and lows of raising children and what it means to be a mother.
