Judging Based On Looks – Mothers Prejudice Versus Children Views

“Being unique is the best thing you can do”

“You should not judge others”

I bet it’s not the first time you heard similar statements. But have you ever stopped and wondered about the connection between such statements?

Well, let me tell you a story which, I believe, would help you understand what I mean when I say ‘connection’. A few weeks ago, before the new scholastic year commenced, my family and I decided to go on a ‘lovely’ shopping trip called “uniform hunting”, or better known this year as “going for uniforms but after arriving we find out there are only a few left”. Upon arriving we decided to split up in two teams: mum and both my sisters went upstairs to find my younger sister her uniform first, while I stayed alone downstairs in the longest line I had ever seen in my life. I was surrounded by mothers and grandmothers with their youngest. And I was there, alone.

After a while I started feeling as if someone was watching me, and frankly, I was right. Two women, one of which I heard mention that she was a teacher, were evidently looking me up and down. Their eyes looked as if they had seen something abominable. Maybe it was because I did not have children with me? Maybe they thought I was wasting part of the line, hence wasting their time? But then I remembered that they had heard mum talk about our plan, so they definitely knew I was there waiting for our turn, just like them.

I also realised that it was the first time I had gone out of the house dressed a little different than usual – as some may say, less feminine. It was the first time I had dared to go out of the house feeling more like myself. I had felt unique and extremely comfortable – I had chosen to wear an outfit I had been wanting to wear for quite some time, and after my parents supported and encouraged me to do so, I ended up feeling ashamed and shy around people who did not even know the real me.

It’s 2021, are we seriously still judging on looks?

Is it that weird to see a young woman with short hair wearing black trousers, a black t-shirt with an open button-up shirt on top?

And while they were busy looking me up and down, making me feel all sorts of uncomfortable, their children were running around the store creating havoc. Once these two women suddenly realised that their children were disrupting other people in the line, they called them and strictly told them to stay next to them – which was quite reasonable, especially due to the ongoing covid pandemic. It was then when something nice happened – their children smiled at me. They did not judge me. And whilst these children showed no form of shock to seeing me dressed different from the ‘usual feminine outfit’ (I believe that anyone could wear whatever they want as long as they’re comfortable, but for the sake of the article, I will refer to a different style to what I was wearing as the ‘usual feminine outfit’), their mothers went back to whispering in each other’s ears whilst looking at me from top to bottom.

I honestly felt bad for their children. What if these children eventually decide to wear something ‘non-typical’? Are their parents going to be supportive or will they tell them to change if their choices do not fit ‘the norm’? If one of the women I encountered was indeed a teacher, how is she going to keep an open mind with the children in her class if during the 5 minutes I was next to her, I could have sworn that she was praying to God to bless my poor soul?

Aren’t we supposed to teach our children to feel free to be themselves? Aren’t we teaching our children not to bully and judge others, despite any differences?

Remember that in your children’s eyes, you are a role model; someone who is ‘perfect’. Children will emulate your behaviour blindly, without considering whether it’s good or bad. So if they see you creating a negative opinion about someone based on what they are wearing, eventually they will too, even if they do not actually agree with you at the time.

For instance, have you ever wondered why some children scream when they see cockroaches? Well, they might see one of their parents screaming when encountering one, so automatically, regardless of whether they are actually afraid or not, they will most probably replicate that behaviour.

Now imagine telling your children not to judge, but then they see you criticise someone for their outfit choice. Can you imagine the confusion that your children may experience? Isn’t it easier to practice what you preach? By doing so, your children will feel safer experimenting with their own styles, eventually finding themselves.

Needless to say, every child is different, and by seeing you doing something does not mean that they will do it for sure. After all they are totally different persons compared to you, despite having similar genetics. However, please remember that your opinion, both verbal and non-verbal, is automatically absorbed by your children, and so, if you want them to understand the concept of bullying and the issues resulting from it, consider your actions well.

Additionally, keep in mind that you do not know what someone may be going through. One look can be detrimental. I, for one, fear speaking up in classrooms or being too confident in myself, as I know that by doing so I may get some dirty looks. I understand that judging behaviour may be innate, but still, we can always fight such behaviour in order to make ourselves better versions of who we were yesterday. After all, I am sure that nobody likes to feel constantly watched and being judged.

To those of you who have been judged before – how many times have you been told that that you should care less? I know that this is easier said than done. Everyone has feelings. Everyone feels uncomfortable when being watched. But unfortunately, as I mentioned before, judging comes naturally to us human beings, so I say, why should we hide who we really are if we are still going to be judged either way? It’s better to be unique, trust me. After all, who said we can’t be creators of a new hair trend or a new style?

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