Your persistence is not flattering.
There was a time in my life where i would say “I’m sorry” after such a statement, but I realise I shouldn’t be sorry for speaking out the truth. There was also a time where I would view statements like “let me drive you home” and “we should meet up, you know, to have a pizza on Tuesday”, as interest in a positive way. But repeating yourself and staying persistent cancels out the positive thoughts that I could have developed about you. I should not tell you “no” a thousand times for you to understand that I do not want you to buy me pizza or to drive me home. No means no.
Do you really think I would accept a ride from you again after I got to know how you boasted to your friends about taking 3 girls home when you gave a lift to me and two other friends of mine in the past? That alone made me ‘fear’ you and your car drives, especially after the emphasis you placed on the idea that you should drive us up to our doorstep – thank the universe I told you to drop me off at a nearby corner. You persisted on driving me home (and by persisted I mean, telling me twice the moment you saw me, repeating that it’s no problem for you during a meeting, and asking to take me home a couple more times in front of our friends group) is only making me fear you – it does not make me think that you are a kind and humble human being.
Your staring makes me sick.
I’ve liked people in my lifetime – like everyone else has. And let’s face it, it’s normal to stare while your mind wonders off thinking about how lovely a picnic date in nature would be with the person you fancy. But please do not stare at me during a meeting at which I was already feeling very nervous to attend. You made me lose the confidence I have been trying to build up for years. You made me feel awkward, as if I had something on my face or as if my shirt was the other way round. You made me feel self-cautious, I did not even know how to sit properly while you stared at me. You made me feel dirty. I’m not a statue in a museum asking for you to inspect me.
And for anyone thinking that I might have been wearing something provocative… I was wearing a dark pair of three-quarter pants and a shirt that shows no cleavage whatsoever. I have to admit though, my shoulder was showing. Could it be you got distracted by something that you yourself have? Do you want me to buy you a mirror so that you can stare at your own shoulders? Or maybe it was my bra strap that mesmerised you into staring for around 2 hours straight. Do you want me to send you a Joom link to purchase some bra straps for yourself?
Maybe for some it might be nice to have such an admirer – I might have liked it as well a few years back when I was feeling very low about myself. I still feel like there is more room for improvement in myself – physically and emotionally… but somehow your looking and inspecting only made me feel worse.
And can you tell me why you pointed your phone camera at me a couple of times? I understand you’re a photographer. But why didn’t your phone point at other individuals other than myself during the meeting? It’s funny how in every photo related to activities our committee organises, there is always a part of me showing. I do not have a time-turner – I cannot go back in time to do everything at one go. And there surely isn’t more of me, or we would know, we would hear my clones laughing from miles away. I can surely say that I have a tangible memory of every breath I took that day.
I am not sorry to say this – I am not looking forward to working with you. I should not have accepted the role I was assigned for. Then again, why should I not follow through with something so perfect for me just because you do not know the meaning of boundaries or that no means no?
As a popular artist once said, “you are making me hate” my own hobby. Yes, it might be the trauma I experienced with someone similar to you that is triggering all this fear within me. But I know for sure that if I say no, I mean it.
Doesn’t the fact that I’d rather walk home at around 11.30 at night after a whole day at University than accept your ride say something to you? I fear you may follow me home every single time I have to face you. Seeing you outside in the streets leads me to walk on tiptoes, holding my breath so I do not make any sound which may cause you to notice me. Seeing you in the streets means crossing the road and turning my face away so hopefully you do not recognise me. And if I happen to be wearing a hoodie it’s even more convenient, as I can put up the hood and put my phone close to my face so you do not see a centimeter of my face. Should I order the wings Offred had to wear in ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ just to avoid you making any contact with me?
Do men still not understand the concept of the word ‘no’ and that no means no? Honestly, you make me wonder whether Meghan Trainer wrote her song ‘No’ about you…
“My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no, uh
You need to let it go, uh”
Just a heads’ up before we have to (unfortunately) start working together: me sending you a message will not mean I’m interested. No, I will just be doing my duty. Please understand that I am not interested. I should not need to beg for you to not give me a lift. Let me be.
And please, do not tell my friends to get out of their chairs so that you sit next to me, or threaten my male friends not to get close to me. It’s only showing the amount of control you are trying to exert on me, and that is not attractive.
Despite all this, I choose to focus on remembering mum’s wise words – that everything happens for a reason. And I admit, I have learned how to not be persuaded; I have learned to stand my ground and to stay strong.
To you reading my experience here on wham, I would like to leave you with this: do not fear saying the word ‘no’. Stand by it. Do not let others’ words change your ideas, because that may make you suffer. And you don’t have to apologise for saying no. If someone tries to force you into accepting something against your wish, even if it is just saying ‘no’ to a pizza’, stick with your decision. And after you do this, take YOURSELF on a pizza date – you deserve it after all. Standing up to men, especially those who are supposed to be your friends or colleagues, takes immense courage.
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Mariposa’s Blog features real experiences and emotions written by a mother and her daughters. Together they cover various aspects in relation to the journey of life, such as emotions, fertility, domestic violence, student struggles, female issues, teen problems, health and childhood education material and much more.
Click here to check out Mariposa’s Blog bio as well as a list of all its Wham published articles
