A recent post I read on facebook about being raised in fear really hit me because it is so true. I am a woman in my early 40s and having been raised catholic I have a lot of built up anger for the church in the way it instilled in us the fear of God and hell.
From the memories of sermons always ending with glorifying suffering for the final prize of heaven… to demonizing women for all evil.
Even jokes about Eve, or the subtle messages that women have to be submissive, endure pain and basically exist to bear and rear children, keep the house in order cook and please husbands. And of course, a good woman does not enjoy the pleasures of sex – she endures it. She does it to satisfy husband and procreate. And if she has this mind set she is a saint… if she enjoys it, is kinky or (my God! !!) initiates it, enjoys it or hear hear… orgasms… She is evil. Devilish!
I wonder how many women my age who were raised catholic had proper sex talk with your mothers. My mother never talked to me.
She just assumed I was sexually active and she would give me subtle warnings like “ma nafx x’ toqgħodu tagħmlu… ma tibżgħux minn Alla… issa jkun hemm konsegwenzi u ejja ma wiċċi” (I don’t know what you get up to, but you should be scared of God….then if you end up pregnant don’t come to me for help)… but we never talked about how I feel, if I feel ok whether I enjoy it or feel respected… whether I use protection… it was all about sin and damnation.
Another issue that irritates me is having to endure pain. Like women have to suffer in silence and just accept it – “soffrieha għal dnubietek” (suffer it for your sins) – even if it’s period pain. And medication; don’t you dare take something to ease the heavy flow, “dawk affarijiet normali, tal-Bambin”(these things are normal, sent from Jesus). Or artificial contraception while married, like you have to hush about it, like you ‘re in some sort of illegal business.
Still I believe the worst enemies of women are other women. Sometimes family members themselves throw subtle messages and expectations. I never felt like a typical woman growing up.
I never dreamed of marrying and having kids as a child. I never got orgasmic about having squeaky clean floors or sparkling windows. The thought of buying countless sets of sheets and towels in my teens was appalling. To this day, I am thankful I was not part of the dota (doury) system, but all my peers were. I used to feel weird, like I’m less of a woman. And I just realised I used to apologize for it.
Thanks to other women speaking out about their personal experiences on platforms like wham and Women for Women, I feel I’m not alone or odd for wanting to discuss important issues or for wanting to be part of the decision making process or for not getting ecstatic over a new smell of fabric conditioner… I no longer feel guilty or ashamed for enjoying sex, or for speaking my mind. I have had to make traditional life choices and have my fair share of regrets thanks to the fear instilled by society/church.
I do not condemn or mock the “typical” woman or the women who fit this stereotype, but I wish we could tolerate and accept that no, not all women were made to fit in a pre-fabricated mould. Being different is what makes us special. If only we could learn to truly live and let live!
Have you experienced similar issues with having been raised catholic or into any other particular religion? Share your experience with our readers, contact us or email us at [email protected]
