Secondary infertility… Coming to terms and accepting that your family will only have 1 child when you and your husband wanted more.
Finally, I am 35 years old and holding my baby boy in my arms for the first timeI! It is a powerful, loving, miraculous feeling and there and then I wanted my little baby to have a sibling.
My husband and I started trying for the second one a year after our son was born. Another two years passed and nothing happened. It seemed that the odds and circumstances were against us. Meanwhile my hopes were extinguishing.
Whenever I saw my friends pregnant with their second one, families with two young children,I always said they did it , why can’t we? When will it happen? It started to get very frustrating.
I considered IVF and adoption, my husband is more of a let nature take its course attitude so it wasn’t really an optin. He did not want either and he always said that we were already blessed with one. It is easier said than done. I did two d&c s, to no avail, took hormone pills, which messed up my moods, prayed and cried alot.
Obviously ,meanwhile life at work and at home had to go on. I always said that I don’t want babies after forty and at some point I had to accept that three will be the number of my family, that my son will be an only child.
It was difficult for me to swallow this bitter secondary infertility pill, of kissing goodbye to my dream of having two kids…..
During my pursuit for the second child and the experience of continuous frustration, at times hindered me from appreciating the loveliness of the here and now with my son while he was growing up. I now only have one regret, the failure to acknowledge from earlier on that I was truly blessed with motherhood.
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