During my childhood I always knew the expected amount of years I’d spend in school would be 6 years of primary school, 2 of middle school, 3 in secondary school and then, depending what you choose, two more years of post-secondary school, followed by University. I have just turned 13 and am about to start attending Secondary School, but I don’t feel as excited as I did when I was 10 years old, especially since I practically missed 2 years of school.
When COVID-19 hit us, I started studying from home. During that year (which for me was Year 7) we had online classes through either zoom or Microsoft Teams. And I have to say I was doing pretty well! I attended all classes and went well in all of my lessons. I (almost) always returned my homework in time and things were going well.
And then the next academic year arrived.
Schools opened again, so naturally most children started attending school face to face, but I didn’t. I’m asthmatic, along with two other members in my family. Due to this, I didn’t want to risk getting COVID-19, so I stayed home.
Vulnerable students weren’t provided with online classes this time around, so I only had a few sources to use in order to attempt to catch up with the kids going to school: the handouts or notes sent by the teachers through Microsoft Teams/emails; studying and completing exercises in the textbooks given to us in the beginning of the scholastic year, or just doing research individually. Eventually a website called Teleskola was created, featuring lessons for each subject. Unfortunately it took a while for lessons related to my year of studies to be uploaded.
Practically, until around January I was learning on my own, but honestly, I felt that I was learning nothing. Most of my research revolved around google and Youtube, which proved to be quite a distraction… Once you open it you are instantly met with video recommendations that you’d rather see.
In essence, all I did were reading comprehensions, hours of trying to understand simple maths, and struggling to write something in Maltese.
Later on, around February, virtual school for vulnerable students was launched. Great! We could finally learn at the comfort of our own homes! Only it wasn’t… Turned out I only had 4 classes offered: Maths, English, Maltese and Science. We only had about 25 minutes per lesson, which is not much considering in actual school you would have 40.
I started going downhill in every class I had in online school, as well as in the other subjects I was supposed to learn on my own. I had no time to focus on subjects that no one was really teaching me, and if I wasted too much time on those I would just get yelled at by the teachers that were providing me with virtual school for not doing good enough.
I had a lot of time available: weekends and half days could be used for study purposes. But in actuality, online lessons were really draining: staring at a screen, trying to actually learn, trying to ignore the background noise from some of the classmates’ microphones, trying to ignore the background noise from your own home – especially if construction works are going on in your area. It wasn’t nice. I needed a break or else I’d just go insane- speaking from experience.
In a short while I started feeling confused with every subject I once understood or went well in. Especially in Spanish. It was one of the subjects I loved the most during my previous year, and one that I genuinely enjoyed learning. Unfortunately these days I can barely understand a simple ‘¿Cómo estás?’.
Then came online exams. Ironically we didn’t even know we were going to have exams until May. Like everyone I was afraid, yet remained hopeful. After all, throughout all the previous years, I went well in all of my subjects. I was an A student. But this year I ended up getting an 11 in my Maths exam. There were a few exercises which I couldn’t know the answers to due to the fact that we didn’t have enough time to be taught all topics. So naturally, I knew I wasn’t going to get a 90 or 94 like in my previous years; a 60 would have been more realistic. But I never ever thought I’d get an eleven! A disappointing huge downgrade.
Which brings me to this moment…
We are now in September, the month where most schools open, and this time I’m actually going as I am fully vaccinated. But the thought of going to school physically is now scarier than it sounds. I’m going to a new school, with two new subjects and a foreign language that I no longer understand, along with all of the other subjects which I am no longer good at both because they’re getting harder, and also because I had to learn everything alone at home for a year and a half. And on top of it all I only have two friends going to the same school, and unfortunately I don’t feel as connected with the both of them anymore.
Now I can imagine what you’re thinking, I can make new friends. Well, I have news for you! I am extremely shy. I’m talking about the ‘doesn’t speak unless spoken to’ kind of shy. Any type of social interaction scares me, with the constant worries flowing my brain: What if they don’t like you? You are embarrassing yourself. Is that someone laughing? They’re laughing at you. People are looking at you. You should just go in the corner and read because that is the only way to look smart whilst also escaping interaction.
You see what I’m talking about? Let me give you an example of what I keep experiencing a lot lately. I’m in a playground with my family, and I would like to go on a swing. There are two swings, one being used, and one that is not. Common sense tells me to go on the swing that isn’t being used because someone else might go instead, whilst my fears tell me to go on neither until the other person goes away.
I wasn’t this way before. I mean yes, I was shy, and especially during Year 7 I was very insecure and I felt very left out or unwanted by my friends. But I am shy to an extent that I wasn’t before. And I partially blame COVID-19 for this.
So the thought of walking into a school where I practically know no one terrifies me. Besides that, I am completely aware that I will not understand a lot of things in subjects that I was good at before. Teleskola and online lessons were good, and my mother was great at trying to help me and assist me whenever I needed, but nothing can truly replace being in a class with a teacher willing to teach you.
I don’t really know what to do or expect at this point. I just hope that I manage to get through the first day alive and I’ll figure it out after that.
Do you have an experience you’d like to share with us at wham, either in your name or anonymously? Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
Ever wondered what goes on in a teen’s mind? Then this is the blog for you! Teen Diaries is a blog featuring the ramblings of a young female teen. Here she shares her opinions, thoughts and experiences as she journeys through her teen years.
