Unless experienced first hand, the aftermath of narcissistic abuse cannot even be imagined. This is how narcissists destroy lives, as told by a survivor of narcissistic abuse…
It is the Christmas season and for many people out there, this is the season of love, joy and prosperity. But not for all … for people like me, there are times when the twinkling lights and the cheery Christmas carols serve as a means of transportation back to a horrible time where I was cheated on and treated like scum … a time where I was at the complete mercy of a narcissist, and the worst thing about it was that I couldn’t get out.
He had managed to segregate me from my family and friends so I thought that I had no way of reaching out for help … and to be honest, even if I had that way out, I probably would not have taken it, simply because I was terrified of him and of what he would do if he found out that I had confided in someone about it.
Most people out there do not understand why people who are subjected to this kind of treatment cannot get out of it and I have heard countless comments of “Missek tlaqt” or “Dik għax ma kontx b’saħħtek u waqaftlu” or “Tgħid ma kontx ħa nkun jien li nħallih jitrattani hekk”.
Let’s get this straight … I for one (and I know a lot more women who are or were in my same position who are just like me) am a strong, independent woman. But when in the grasps of a narcissist, that is not enough. Let me explain why …
A narcissist presents himself as an appealing package – full of charm and promises of a great tomorrow. At first, he is present, showering you with love and affection and basically treating you like a queen.
Then slowly he starts to change – and the change is so subtle that you find yourself doubting countless times whether you are imagining it all.
Then he starts to find fault in all you do and when you speak up, he tells you to stop being petty. He starts liking other women’s pictures and posts in front of your face and when you confront him about it, he accuses you of being insecure, paranoid and a stalker. He starts finding fault with your body. He starts belittling you and gaslighting you. He starts becoming very jealous of any form of male attention you get, even if it is evident that it is purely platonic. He isolates you from the world. He becomes livid when you dare to stand up for yourself and speak up.
He basically brings you to a point where all you see in the mirror is an ugly, unworthy waste of space. And the final nail in the coffin … he lays his hands on you … and then tells you that it is all your fault and that it was your own behaviour who warranted you to get beaten up.
That was the final straw for me. As I sat on my stairs covered in bruises, struggling to breathe, that was the moment when I realised that I was better than all this, that I was worthy and that this nightmare had to end. That was the moment when I realised that only I could save myself. That was the moment when I grabbed every little piece of courage left in me and walked out that door. I was terrified but I did it. I turned to my family and closest friends for help and they were amazing backbones to me.
And now … a year down the line and I have re-found myself … I am back to my pre-narcissist, bubbly cheerful self again. Mind you, the aftermath of narcissistic abuse is not that easy to overcome. I still suffer from anxiety and some trust issues and sometimes I still get nightmares, but no one ever said the path to healing is a straight, smooth one.
All I can say is that healing is a beautiful, painful road and I am three-quarters of the way through it and I am proud of myself for it. I have never spoken about all this to anyone except to my closest, but lately I have been reading about so many similar experiences from other women that I realised that maybe, if I had known that there are others out there who are going through the same thing, it might have been easier to pluck up the courage and walk away before.
So a shout out to anyone going through the same intimate partner violence… don’t let a narcissist, or anyone for that matter, destroy your life. Don’t let the aftermath of narcissistic abuse hold you back. You are beautiful, worthy and have so much to offer in this life. Follow your gut instinct and walk away from anything that doesn’t make you happy. A narcissist only has as much power as you give him – the moment you walk away, he no longer has any power over you and you finally get to see him for what he really is – a pathetic, unhappy, insecure person who gets kicks from making other people’s life hell. So, head held high, even if you are terrified inside, and walk away. It will be the best decision you ever made in your entire life 
If you have experienced narcissistic abuse and you would like to share your experience with us, contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
