I recently spoke to Patricia* who wants to share her story about the danger of online dating in the hope that other women do not ever have to go through the same experience. Patricia is an accomplished, independent and educated woman who has her own business but who enjoys sharing her life with others. Patricia is outgoing and has loads of friends but like most good people she believes life is better and more beautiful when shared with a significant other.
As many women of all ages do, she joined Connecting Singles, an online dating platform. Her first mistake she says “was writing all about what I liked and disliked and what I was looking for in a man.” The second big mistake “was not reading the small print, it clearly warns you not to chat outside of the website.”
Her story began one evening when she started chatting to Roberto, a Sean Connery type middle aged man but of course not so good looking. Roberto was a successful businessman and divorcee. They hit it off immediately, Roberto was charming, attentive and ticked off all the boxes. They chatted all night and before leaving the chat Roberto asked Patricia if he could have her contact number because he was going to be going on a long trip the next day and would be without internet for a few days, possibly the length of the trip. Roberto charmingly asked Patricia if she didn’t mind, once he arrived at this far off destination in the middle of nowhere, he would love to continue chatting to her on WhatsApp. Patricia thought nothing of it and since she had really enjoyed chatting to him gladly gave him her phone number.
She heard nothing from him for around three days, then he messaged her on WhatsApp. She answered, they called each other and really got on. From then on, they got on really well, chatting and talking to each other constantly. He always gave her the excuse that he had bad internet connection and that he could not video call. However, he told her all the things she wanted to hear, they had their favourite song, they knew everything about each other’s families and she also introduced him over calls to her friends. Patricia tells me “all my friends were happy for me, that I had found this really nice guy. We made plans for a future together, for when he finished his work, and I was going to fly over to meet him.”
Then suddenly tragedy struck, he was stuck abroad could not leave and he needed Patricia to help him with paying some outstanding bills. He could not pay them from his middle eastern location due to the very bad connection.
Roberto asked Patricia to log into his bank account, he gave her all his credentials to affect a transfer for him. He wanted her to pay for his father’s outstanding residential care home bill. Everything on the bank website looked legitimate and Patricia seemed to have managed to log into his account and for a few seconds could see that he had around 7,000,000 yes seven million in his account. Suddenly she was disconnected and no longer able to access the account with some technical problems and a message telling her to contact the account holder.
Patricia thought how amazing this relationship and how lucky she was, she was in love with a fantastic, intelligent, rich gentleman who loved her too and who was dying to meet her. They shared music and had their favourite song, they planned trips together and were constantly in touch, spending hours chatting on the phone or messaging. She just could not believe how lucky she was, and her friends were all happy to see her so happy. Many of her friends had spoken to Roberto over the phone too. They all agreed Roberto was a great guy.
The bank called her the next day to apologise about not being able to process her request on behalf of their very good client Roberto but they needed some more documents from her, they needed a copy of her passport, her ID card, her home address, her telephone number.
Patricia of course thought nothing of it and promptly scanned and sent all these documents over. Roberto always being very attentive and appreciative, apologising for all the hassle he was putting her through but at the same time telling her how important it was that she was helping him because he wouldn’t be able to do anything from where he was.
Of course, the bank had other issues – to cut a long story short, she couldn’t affect the transfer on his behalf and he couldn’t access his bank from where he was so he asked her if she could please pay the bill of his father’s care home on his behalf. He reassured her that he would refund the money as soon as he could. He hoped to be able to leave and come to meet her very soon.
Being a good, kind and helpful person, Patricia who was also well off, paid the care home by sending them the outstanding amount which she told me was well over 10,000 euro. Sadly, in the end he managed to scam close to 80,000 euro from her.
While telling me her story, she says “I cringe at how stupid and naïve I was.” I reassure her and tell her, that this can happen to anyone and this is why it’s so important that she and others like her share their stories. It is only by sharing and creating awareness about the danger of online dating that we can prevent others from also falling victim to these professional con artists. These are whole illegal organisations purposely set up to scam and rob us good, kind and caring people. By the way this can happen to men too.
Yes, this can happen to you too. Never, ever believe that he was widowed, that he’s a war veteran, or any sad story. Never believe that he has all the qualities you are looking for in a man, he knows what you want to hear, its all written in your profile after all. Never reveal any personal information about property owned, travel history, business profits or anything about your business in general. This is a professional scam, preying on rich, kind, single men and women looking for love and companionship.
If you cannot meet him and you can’t confirm his identity, either through friends, or friends of friends – you need to move on. Real people have friends, Facebook and Linkedin accounts with comments from their friends. Be extra careful, and never, ever send any money.
Patricia has been to the police, to the embassies of the countries concerned, called the banks who accepted her money but to no avail, there is nothing they can do. All Patricia can do is share her experience about the danger of online dating with us in the hope that no other person will ever fall for the same tricks she fell for.
* Name has been changed to protect the identity of the victim.
If you too have experienced the danger of online dating and you’d like to share it please feel free to contact us or write to us in strictest confidence on [email protected]
Check out what the FBI have to say about such romance scams here…
Francesca Fenech Conti is passionate about social issues and has a BA in Social Policy. She is the Founder and creator of the women only facebook group Women for Women (Malta) and the Women for Women Foundation that works hand in hand with other NGOs and businesses to empower and support women, especially single mothers.
Francesca recently also launched Wham.com.mt to provide a much needed space on the local media scene to promote women’s voices and to provide women with a source of information regarding their general wellbeing.
Click here to check out Francesca’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
