One sided relationship can be very traumatic and painful. I gave him more than I ever did in any other relationship, but it was not enough…
I would like to share my one sided relationship experience with you all…
Couple of years ago I was out for a couple of drinks and met this man through a friend of ours. We got talking and I couldn’t believe the strong pull I felt for him, but as the night ended I left for my house and thought none of it. Got home and found a request from him with a couple of messages, saying how much he enjoyed talking with me and asking me whether I would like to meet him for dinner. I was ecstatic! I couldn’t believe my luck, couldn’t believe that this person sought me out and asked me out!
We had a great time, doing all sorts of things from enjoying a night out to just being next to each other. Both agreed that we never felt such a strong connection for anyone else, we were madly in love with each other. He was my moon and stars. Never mistreated me once in that aspect.
Fast foward to the first few months, when I started seeing his true colours… I could sense there was a drinking problem but he would never agree. He said I was too serious and that there was nothing wrong with enjoying a couple of drinks with friends (this meaning getting home the next morning). I let it slide, told myself we had different opinions… why shouldn’t he enjoy a night out here and there?
Next thing to happen would be to have plans together, only to have him turn up completely pissed or just not show up at all. I would call and text him all night and he wouldn’t even bother to send a text. I’d spend all night crying, not being able to sleep, wondering where he is, who he’s with, while he would be getting drunk and doing all kinds of things drinking makes you do….
I was mentally exhausted, couldn’t even concentrate on daily things. Sometimes I would shut off everything and lie in bed for hours. Analyzing every small detail, getting angry with myself for making him act that way when I should just let him be (of course I realised much later that I wasn’t doing anything wrong at all and that I had every right to feel the way I did).
This didn’t happen once in a while. This behaviour happened every two to three days or so. It left me worn out. I lost a lot of weight, couldn’t even enjoy small pleasures anymore, always on edge as I was never sure how he would turn up for our plans, or whether he would turn up at all!
All his friends would tell me that he’s a great guy, and I agree he was. He has a big heart, always ready to help, but only to a certain point and always at his convenience. His friends never saw this side of him, as he was always the fun laid back guy around them.
I couldn’t believe how quickly he could change, it sometimes took just minutes for him to change plans and meet friends instead, and leave me hanging without a word.
Days would pass until I would hear from him again, never with an apology. I always took him back. I believed that with help he could get better. There was a time he somehow agreed he needed help and I sought out professional help for him, only to have him cancel at the last minute because according to him there was no problem at all. The issue was that he wasn’t committed to getting better because deep down he didn’t recognise that he had a problem. For a short amount of time he would try to stay sober or off alcohol, but then he would go back to square one.
Many times we would have plans with friends or family, I’d have to ask him beforehand not to embarass me in front of others with his behaviour…only to end the night with him going all out and making a joke out of me. This went on for more than two years. I cannot begin to explain how this left me feeling emotionally, with my anxiety going through the roof. It was a rollercoaster everyday. It was like he had two personalities, one day he would be the great, loving, amazing guy I met in our early days, everything smooth sailing…then the next he would be out God knows where without any explanation. I could never keep up because as soon as I thought this would be the day/week he would slow down, it would only take a couple of days for everything going wrong again.
I tried to end it a couple of times, but somehow he always managed to lure me back with his words and promises. It would work for the first few weeks then we would be back arguing. He would go back to doing his one sided relationship thing, leaving me reeling and of course wanting to sit down and have a talk, something he avoided from day one. His idea of not arguing was to avoid all conversation whatsoever and that would be it. I could never put my thoughts and feelings out, I had to keep everything to myself and when I tried to talk with him he would somehow manage to turn everything on me. He would say that I was a snob who never wanted to socialise and I just wanted to keep him for myself. After these kinds of talks he would just leave me, no words, nothing, and then text me months after saying he misses me.
I gave this person everything, more than I ever did in any other relationship because I thought he could really be helped, and I loved him dearly. I never felt so comfortable and easy with anyone else. But sadly he wanted to be with me only on his conditions, meaning he could do whatever he pleased, no questions asked, no explanations given. If I so much as asked anything, this meant he would leave me.
In the end it was all a game of cat and mouse. I was left mentally bruised to a point where I needed to seek help myself. He would never accept his wrong doing, but would just call me out saying that I could never accept him the way he is. I couldn’t, not when this was effecting not only him but everything and everyone around him. He even came close to losing his job because he wouldn’t turn up at work in the morning. I’ve had so many warnings, from family and friends, that this person did not deserve me, yet every time I closed my eyes and made excuses for him, lying to make him look good so no one could see how I was suffering.
Long story short, if any of you are in such a one sided relationship, please seek help and try to get away, the earlier the better. It will damage you, make you doubt yourself and leave you distrusting everyone else you come in contact with. Thanks for reading my experience xx
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