Yesterday I received a heartfelt message from a close friend of mine, a wonderful mother to 3 lovely children, a woman who I’ve known for more than a decade. During our conversation later on this mother with a broken heart couldn’t hold back tears for all the pain that her ex and father of her youngest son was still putting her through. And the worst part of it all is the reality that our country’s court system seems to be supporting such fathers in tormenting their exes and their own children through lack of action, even when there is evidence of injustice and never-ending lies from the father’s part.
Meet Sonia*, a mother with a broken heart, who has agreed to share her own painful experience with hope for changes within our judiciary system in relation to child maintenance laws. (* name has been changed to protect the mother’s anonymity).
Sonia*: A Mother With A Broken Heart
We were like any other couple when after 4 years we had a child together. Unfortunately his father started experimenting with drugs. Bills started accumulating, bills which he ignored. He had to sell the shop we worked at together. He bought a factory which he told me was a garage to work in, which I naively believed.
I had a penthouse which I sold and invested into a house we bought together…a house he didn’t pay a dime for. I used to work with him in the shop…only he would remain sleeping in the morning due to being overloaded with drugs.
I tried to help and support him with his drug abuse problem, and I even went with him to Caritas, but he still left the program. It was evident that he didn’t want to change and be better as he used to say. He just wanted to keep sinking, pulling us down along with him.
He used to shout at me in front of my family and my children, yet I kept silent so as to keep things as calm as possible. We ended up without electricity at both our house and our shop due to outstanding bills. Finally I realised I couldn’t take this ongoing intimate partner violence any more. I told him I couldn’t live my life like this anymore.
Our separation contract was finalised in 2018, a contract which was approved by the Court, and to which I had to pay for myself because he had no money. We sold our house and paid the remaining loan. But although there should have been remaining funds which I had paid for myself, the bank kept piling on interest and I ended up with 20,000 euro less for the flat that I should have had. I had to ask for financial help, if it wasn’t for my own family I would have ended living in the streets along with my children.
From the day we signed the separation contract in 2018, he didn’t pay child maintenance. He only paid once in December, to which I provided him with a receipt. In the meantime I was required to report at the police station about the lack of child maintenance being paid. Every time I felt as if I was some criminal, fighting to take my son’s money. Our son can’t live with just papers…
Throughout all this drama he had enough money to buy a car, so he had the money to get what he deemed important for him (but apparently our son’s needs are not as important as a car for him). To add insult to injury, when we were still together he had changed my car and eventually they took it from me as well. He is supposed to be paying for our son’s health and education, yet he tells me he doesn’t have any money to support our son. Why are these lies believed when it’s crystal clear that he has enough money for going out and paying for drugs, yet he doesn’t have any money for his own son?
“He made a fool of me all over social media…”
Every time he wanted to take our son out I used to let him. There were times when he didn’t even bother to show up for his son for 3 whole weeks, where he used to phone and talk to him instead.
But the worst part of all this was the time when he did his utmost to destroy me. He made a fool of me on social media, crying in front of a camera, lying about me not allowing him to see his son. This was a completely fabricated lie from his part, as everyone who knew us could easily confirm from the photos he put up on social media with our son. And when there was fever involved, I still let him come see him downstairs in my flat’s common parts.
Throughout this time I had to keep going to court. He was also found to be disrespectful towards the Court. But with all due respect, what did he get for all he did to me? How many videos he put up on social media shouting and crying, acting and lying about me? He managed to trigger many people who had no clue about the real situation to condemn me and call me so many names…why judge me when you didn’t know or attempt to hear my version?
“The Bank Stole My Money, Ignoring a Formal Legal Document signed by a Notary”
We had signed a formal legal document drafted by a Notary stating that I won’t be having any connection to the amount due for the house loan, since I had paid my part in full through the profit I had made by selling my own penthouse. However, the bank completely ignored this formal document, stating that they take the money from whoever has it.
“It’s NOT True! The Court Doesn’t Favour Women In Such Cases!”
How many times have we heard that the Courts favour women in such situations? This is nothing but a lie.
I am finally receiving child maintenance so maybe social media hasn’t fully destroyed me yet, but when will I receive what has been due to our son for far too long? Why does the court keep postponing for 3, 6 more months, and we are still not given what is due to our son?
To this day the father of my son owes me Eur8000 for the car he took from me, and Eur1700 in child maintenance and expenses, pending through a 3 year period.
He is working 3 jobs, and this has been confirmed by police who searched for him when he didn’t turn up for court. From a court session scheduled at 9:30am I ended up going out at 2:15pm, freaking out since my son was about to finish school and I had to make last minute arrangements so someone can pick him up and bring him to me.
We’ve been going through this for far too long. Still he refuses to pay up…then at times he lies and claims that he has been paying all along. He has the money, he could be responsible if he wanted to. He has no rent expenses, no electricity or water bills, no mobile bills…he lives with his parents and they pay everything else for him.
Additionally, his mum gave him an apartment to sell and pay all his dues through the acquired profit. He paid all his dues from it, except from mine and our son’s.
“The System Needs To Change…”
I am honestly feeling depleted mentally and emotionally. It’s 2020 going onto 2021…come on! Where is justice in Malta? Why is the system ignoring such issues for so long? Why is it letting so many single mothers like me drown in this way and not enforce responsibility on the fathers as well? Why? I never wanted my ex to be sent to prison, but this is becoming ridiculous, as the court keeps extending time and giving him chances over chances, yet he keeps postponing and giving back nothing. How come this man has been allowed to avoid paying child maintenance for our son for so long, when another father who doesn’t pay child maintenance for one single month is sent to prison?
I chose to remain anonymous since the case is still ongoing in court, and I need to protect my son. Through my message I’m not stereotyping fathers as bad, because not all fathers are like my ex, and not all fathers choose to avoid their responsibilities to their own children. To every mother with a broken heart in my same situation I urge you to keep holding on to faith, hopefully justice will prevail, and my son will get all that he deserves. I love my son infinitely, until my last breath, and I’ll keep fighting for what is due to him.
I would like to thank those who have helped me in any way, including with monetary donations and things that I needed to do, as well as to buy school necessities for my own son. I also thank those who tried to shame me and make fun of me…thank you for making me a stronger woman with better values.
Finally, thank you for taking the time to read through my cries. Please, never let your children suffer in the same way that was done to me when things don’t work out in a relationship.
If you too consider yourself to be a mother with a broken heart, having a similar story to Sonia’s and you’d like to share it with our readers, please feel free to contact us or to write to us in strictest confidence on [email protected]
Claire Galea is a mum of three currently reading for a Degree in Nursing at the Faculty of Health Sciences, University of Malta, as a mature student. She is keen about holistic patient-centered care as well as public education about health-related subjects, which she frequently writes about on Wham as a Content Writer and Website Editor.
Claire is also passionate about spreading awareness on the negative effects that domestic abuse leaves on its victims’ mental, emotional, social and physical wellbeing. She is the author of two downloadable ebooks, namely Heal Your Life Forever and 5 Simple Steps To Creating The Life Of Your Dreams.
Click here to check out Claire’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
