Decriminalisation of abortion is about compassion helping women & loving couples

Like you, I was brought up here in Malta and was very anti-decriminalisation. I still remember when living in London in the late 80s I met a friend of a friend who said she had had an abortion. I was horrified, I just could not understand how anyone could kill their baby.

I remember watching debates on British TV about abortion time frames, they were debating if abortion should be legal until 12 weeks or later? Again, I was horrified, to me, that was a baby from day one. To me, it was not a discussion about the number of weeks, abortion was the killing of a baby full stop. Just like most politicians, no discussion whatsoever. Until I grew up and listened.

I listened to my physio therapist friends who at the time worked at St. Luke’s, they told me about the suffering of babies born with terrible conditions that were incompatible with life only to die after a few weeks of living in terrible pain.

I listened to Father Serracino Inglott on television talking about what it means to be a human being and a person.  

I listened to a friend, who sadly recounted her story of abortion, she already had 3 wonderful children. She found out she was pregnant at the same time as finding out that she had cancer. How could she possibly cope with 4 children and Chemotherapy? Nowadays I see her sons’ posts on Facebook, they are prolife (the boys don’t know their mother had an abortion – she rarely tells anyone).

I listened to my friend who discovered she was carrying a baby with anencephaly and had to carry her baby to term, all the while she silently endured constant questioning like “when are you due” “do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl”. Knowing her baby was not going to survive she wished she could have afforded to travel to the UK like the other well-off couples with similar sad prognosis. I listened to her tell me about how she wished she was able to terminate her much wanted baby in a humane environment where women are looked after and cared for.

I too was anti-decriminalisation until I listened to the story of my friend’s daughter who went to Amsterdam at the age of 19 to have an abortion without telling her parents. She was happily studying at university and didn’t want the direction of her life to change, she wasn’t ready to become a mother. Her parents are prolife, I see their posts on Facebook too.

I was anti-decriminalisation until I listened to the story of my Irish friend who is a doctor, after having gone through various rounds of IVF she too discovered she was carrying a baby with severe fatal foetal anomalies (so severe that they were harming her too). She and her husband had to travel to the UK to terminate their long-awaited baby in a humane way, by giving their much-loved baby an injection which allowed their baby to be born sleeping and allowed them to carry their baby in their arms and keep the baby with them for a while in the lovely cuddle cot which the caring midwives at the hospital provided. Sadly, they had to carry their baby back home to Ireland in a shoe box, because, like Malta, it was illegal to have a termination in Ireland at the time. Later they told her parents who were upset at the missed opportunity to accompany and support their daughter.  

Only last week I listened to the mother of a woman in her 30’s who called me to say her daughter had just discovered she was pregnant; she was very worried because her daughter was feeling suicidal.  She told me she was ready to help and support her daughter, so that to she could keep the baby, but her daughter was not ready to continue with the pregnancy; “Jiena ma naqbilx ma l-abort, imma qed tgħidli li ser tagħmel suwiċidju. Vera ninsab inkwetata u ma nafx fejn ser nagħti rasi, hawn xi tabib hawn Malta li għandu il pirmli?” were her exact words. 

Today I listened to a friend who told me that after having an early natural miscarriage she felt sadness and relief, “the stress I felt from living in a country where an unwanted pregnancy had happened to me, has to be experienced to be believed”.

I listened to the women who told me they punched their stomachs and drank vodka and other terrible things to try to miscarry naturally, some managed, some didn’t.

I listened to a woman who was brought up in an institute and abused there too. She had had an abortion and was made to feel so guilty that when she was raped again, this time by her partner, she naturally could not go through with the societal shame of another abortion, so she went through with her pregnancy and gave birth. Her abusive partner being long gone, she tried to bring up her baby alone, but ended up with a severe depression from trying to work and take care of the baby alone. In the end the child had to be taken away from her and was brought up in the system.

Or just yesterday there was the story of the woman who had an abortion at 15 and then went on to have more children but had no money to feed them – you can read all about it here.

I listened and opened my heart to other realities, and this helped me to grow and change my views, because after all this was not about me. I do not want any woman after going through such trauma to also risk a prison sentence. I do not know what made Marlene Farrugia change her mind, but I hope it was because she too listened, and this helped her to understand the many different reasons why we need to decriminalise abortion. I hope she listened and realised that decriminalisation of abortion is an important part of a humane health care system.

If politicians just close the discussion without listening, abortion will not go away. It will only once again, just prove to us, that women and parents are not valued and not even worth listening to in this country, some of whom also go through endless, painful and expensive rounds of IVF, only to be told about a terrible prognosis with no humane way out. It will prove to us that it is not life that pro-life politicians are really protecting but only their own personal moral “values” and a few votes from others who do not care enough to listen.

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