It’s 6am, on one of those glorious mornings after a night of rain, and I am doing my daily walk, the day after Paulina Dembska ’s rape and murder. All of a sudden I am afraid, as I realise I’m walking alone. I am afraid for myself and for those who identify as women in our country. I am afraid for one of my daughters who had to run home at night, as a man was following her, after being touched and harassed on a bus while everyone there turned a blind eye. I am afraid, for another one of my teenage daughters, who my husband and I picked up from a crowded bus terminus trembling, because a stranger took out his erect penis and started masturbating in front of her.
Yes, in Malta, in this small island of ours.
I am afraid for the 100’s of women worldwide who receive unsolicited dick picks every day and other sexual harassment on and off line. All of a sudden I remember the numerous stories I have heard of rape, sexual abuse and sex without consent in my counseling room that provoke huge sexual and relationship difficulties in these individuals’ lives…women and men who were traumatised and trying desperately to process what happened to them and heal…
Because yes, men get raped too.
During the last few days we have seen the situation escalate with hate speech towards the LGBT+ community by individuals who profess they are “of the Lord”, using a God that spoke of “love thy neighbour as yourself” to push their agenda of hate, homophobia and eternal damnation. I am reminded of pro-choice activists being called “murderers” and calls of “your mother should have killed you in her womb” by those who profess to be “pro-life” and “not in my name”. Malta Kattoliċissima? Where has our Christian love and generosity gone?
Fejn sejra, Malta? Fejn sejra; jew minn fejn ġejt?
Maltese social, cultural and personal discourse is shaped by years of misogyny, bigotry, sexism, and racism. It saddens me to scroll through social media pages and see women arming themselves with sprays, tactical pens and brass knuckles and giving advice on self defense and staying safe. Is this the society we are creating for our children, for our daughters? When are we going to push for a healthy national discussion on sex and gender? How can we have better sex education in schools, where the focus is on sexual consent, sexual pleasure and how to be safe and keep our partners safe?
And finally: When are our Mental Health Services going to be elevated from being the Cinderella of the National Health Service? Does it have to take a murder to bring into focus the importance of prioritising our mental health and the Psychiatric, Counseling and Psychological Services offered on these islands?
I hope and pray that the rape and horrendous murder of Paulina Dembska and the events that followed are a wake up call for all of us. To stop misogyny, bigotry and hate talk when it is happening right in front of our noses. To protect minorities and those vulnerable amongst us. To fight and change policies in a society still dominated by toxic masculinity and hate towards those who we perceive to be different. To focus on supporting a National Mental Health Service that has been pushed to breaking point since the COVID virus pandemic has reached our shores.
I truly hope that Paulina will not be just another victim added to the list without true personal and societal change. A change that really needs to be radical and one from the core.
Do you have an experience you’d like to share with us at Wham, either in your name or anonymously? We’d love to hear from you! Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
Anna Catania (M.Cons. PG(Dip) Psychosexual and relationship therapy is a warranted counsellor specialised in the area if sex and relationships. She provides counselling to individuals and couples who are having difficulties with sexuality, relationships and intimacy.
Click here to check out Anna’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
