I have always been in touch with my masculine side, which has allowed me to form close-knit, platonic friendships with men. Being a woman, I can confidently say that having male best friends helped shape who I am today, providing me with some of the richest and most meaningful friendships I’ve had to date. Over my 34 years of life, I’ve accumulated a handful of close male friends from my college years right up to the present day.
I believe that certain social ideologies trigger insecurities that make men and women feel threatened by wives or husbands who have close relationships with members of the opposite sex. My husband knew my childhood friends before we started dating and immediately accepted and valued these special friendships, and likewise, he also had long-standing friendships with members of the fairer sex.
Until today, this is a dynamic that many people scratch their heads at, and we get asked repeatedly what our secret is. A question that baffles and bores me every time. The secret is that we really do have no secrets, and we are mutually ok with all of that because we are equally secure in ourselves. Our relationship has always been built on trust and the appreciation of our uniqueness and individuality.
Ironically, those qualities that serve as a source of attraction in the initial stages of a relationship can later serve as a source of resentment. At some point, we’ve all been asked the old age question “will my partner change?” by someone, and the truth is…why should we? We are who we are, and whilst we evolve or regress into better or worse versions of ourselves, our core values and characteristics never change, and why should they? Ask yourself, did you fall in love with the person in front of you or the fictitious person you wished they would be? A leopard never changes its spots, and I am lucky enough to have a life partner who embraces mine, flaws and all. When forming romantic relationships, we each bring a sense of individuality, personality and expectations to the table, and our partners should never try to manipulate that.
The value of any relationship depends on how well we are willing to understand and meet each other’s needs. That means that both parties are responsible for establishing their needs so that we can meet and discover those needs as a team. Transparency is everything. I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for just over 9, which in hindsight is quite a feat by today’s standards, so I shouldn’t be surprised when people ask us if we have big blowouts and altercations with curious eyes. The truth is, we don’t because we deal with stuff before it gets big. It doesn’t mean we don’t have trivial disputes and disagreements because we certainly do. We just don’t let things build up over time, and we don’t procrastinate emotionally. We will deal with it at that moment instead of sweeping it under the proverbial carpet.
Communication is the foundation of life, so why do so many people have difficulty expressing themselves to the ones they are meant to expose themselves to the most? There is no ammunition more deadly than unfinished emotional business. I have learnt the hard way in other areas of my life, which is why I often struggle with keeping things in even when I know they won’t be well received. When left to rot, unresolved issues will always manifest into resentment. You’ve probably experienced it at some point too. When people get upset because they feel like they were treated a certain way, they stay angry about it for some time after, reliving the experience in their minds. It builds resentment over time and is a ticking time bomb of emotional disasters.
If I were asked to define the basis for a happy relationship, I would say personal contentment and security were pinnacle points. However, we must first find happiness within ourselves, for it is draining and selfish to rely on someone else as a source of fulfillment. Our partners are meant to be an extension of our happiness, not its origin. For me, a relationship is the union of two separate individuals who come together in the hopes of finding compatibility and support for one another; To build a life filled with meaning and purpose.
Marriages are not meant to be hard work; they are intended to be lifelong partnerships where we can navigate through the ups and downs we encounter along the way with a sense of ease and unity. Seek happiness within yourself, which will transcend into our most meaningful relationships. Laugh, communicate and enjoy the ride because life is short, and it should be so bloody simple.
Do you have an experience you’d like to share with us at Wham, either in your name or anonymously? We’d love to hear from you! Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
Chloe is a creative writer and content creator with a background in food and hospitality. An avid reader, she is interested in diverse topics, including social dynamics, food and beauty. Hobbies include animal welfare, fashion and cosmetics, home decor, and psychology. Highly imaginative, sarcastic and outspoken, she believes in the importance of finding humour in everything.
