“I Changed My Body to Save My Life”: A Woman’s Gastric Bypass

Thank you for accepting our invitation to share your story with us at WHAM. Can you tell us what were the main reasons for which you began considering gastric bypass surgery?

Had you tried other weight-loss methods before deciding on surgery? What were those experiences like?

Of course! Who hasn’t! Oh so many times had I started gym memberships, or paid personal trainers, been to nutritionists and tried all sorts of ‘diets’. These experiences were disheartening because each one failed. I failed at sticking to any of it, because it was rather drastic and all rooted in guilt and being unhappy with myself, with finding faults, with unloving this part and that part.

Most weightloss methods didn’t work for me because they are not holistic, they’re not sustainable and just end up filling me with self-loathing. They don’t address the underlying psychological reasons for over-eating and eating the wrong things, they don’t address the motivation for wanting to make the change. Even when my motivation was in the right place, even when I had all the right tools, the resources, the knowledge on processed foods and all the hidden sugars, it was easy to slip up and fall back into bad habits because I had not yet understood my relationship with food – and with myself.

Dealing with all this, with criticism, ‘well meaning’ body policing, and trying not to let that toxic judgement and commentary reinforce the self-loathing you wake up and try to unlearn every day to resist finding comfort in food again, wow, it’s so, so hard. It became a cycle I could not break out of. Everything around me, people, family, friends, media, the whole environment played a part in the toxicity, in the entrapment.

People don’t fail for lack of trying or wanting something hard enough. The failure is fueled by the whole multibillion weightloss and food industry, systems that are designed to do so.

Was there a specific moment or turning point when you realized you wanted to go through with it?

Yes. I had previously frowned on bariatric surgery, holding the opinion that it was too risky and too drastic and permanent an option. I knew it wasn’t the ‘easy way out’, because I have had friends who have had similar surgery. Eventually, I understood that this was potentially going to be a tool that helps me resolve my health crisis, and that I had to do it out of self-love. The thought scared me, but every time I have done something life-changing, I have done it scared.

Can you describe the day of the surgery and how you felt going into it?

I did my procedure locally and I felt the surgical team prepared me well for the day. I did a lot of my own research too. Loads of it. I was very nervous on the day, because at the end of the day there are risks to consider, but I knew I was going to do this to take control over my life and my wellbeing. I felt unstoppable.

Did you experience any complications or unexpected challenges right after the procedure?

Thank goodness, I did not have any complications. The first few days were painful and there were moments when I did ask myself ‘What have you done to yourself?’, but all was well and as expected. Strangely however, from the moment I came to from the anesthetic, I began feeling cold – and have felt mostly cold ever since. I have not yet understood why, but while winters are particularly unpleasant, Maltese summers are way more bearable than they have ever been!

Another thing that would be challenging moving forwards is that I am no longer allowed to use NSAIDs (because they can seriously cause harm to the new stomach resulting in a medical emergency), which means that pain relief medication is now substantially limited. Think treating a bad toothache with nothing stronger than paracetamol and codeine. I’m also not a smoker, but if I did smoke, that would have to stop too.

How did your eating habits change in the first weeks and months after surgery?

It is challenging, especially the first 6 to 12 weeks of recovery, because you have a new stomach, like a newborn’s stomach – it can’t handle solids right away, so I had to transition slowly from liquids to soft foods, to soft solids etc.. and the food noise was incredible. The fact that I could not eat normally created a loop of thinking that was constantly about food. I would watch and save tens of reels with recipes for all kinds of post bariatric food, all I could think of was food. I couldn’t eat it, but I could think about it! And what an eye opener that was. The most important shift was not the one happening on the scales, but the one that needed to happen in my mind. And it did.

What feels different between following a traditional diet and living with a gastric bypass?

Slowly and over time, I began to eat all kinds of food. I eat less, fill quicker and therefore I choose more wisely now. Calorie intake is reduced significantly, starting off at 500 calories in the early post op days, gradually settling at around 1,200 to 1,600. I cook mindfully, making sure that every morsel is packed rich with nutrients my body needs.

Food has become fuel. This shift is imperative, because there is only so much volume I can manage, so it has to count! I appreciate food more, for what it’s giving me. When I look at my plate, I start with the protein first – my body needs it to repair, build muscle and function well. I always balance my meal with whole unprocessed foods – veg and fruit – because I’m going to get the most goodness out of every bite of these that I can manage. I also need to supplement for life to make sure I’m getting everything my body needs. Everyday I take iron, B12, vitamin C, vitamin D, zinc, biotin, calcium and folate.

Socialising? At first I thought that eating out at a restaurant was all over for me, but it does not have to be. I just make different choices. It’s been 18 months since my procedure so at this point, out at a restaurant, I can manage a full smaller portion of fresh seabass, for example. A soft white fish, packed with goodness and easy to digest. I may skip on the potatoes, pick a few veggies and I’m done. But I know that what I ate was good for me, and I managed to socialize normally. I pick from starter menus or if I pick a main dish, I take left overs home and make another meal out of it the next day, and that’s fine too!

Did you face any long-term complications or side effects later on?

Sometimes you can forget or mis-judge how much you’re eating, especially if you are distracted. I don’t eat in front of TV anymore, I try not to talk while eating. I need to be more present and mindful, because I can get ‘last bite regret’, which is usually even just one spoonful too much causing discomfort, pain and spasms sometimes only relieved if I throw up. Not nice. Happens especially with rice, because those 4 spoonfuls of rice swell and expand in the stomach and become 6 or 8 which could be too much to handle.

Some bariatric patients can’t eat and drink at the same time, but I have no issues with that. Chewing food well and eating slowly is really important to feel when I’m full before I over do it. I also discovered that alcohol is way more potent now. One drink can have the effect of three or four!

A nasty one happens about 4 months post-op. Lots of hairfall. I must have lost about a third of all my hair in the span of 2 months, it was coming out in handfuls and was a very difficult period to deal with mentally. It does eventually all grow back, but it’s a long process.

Dumping is a thing too, some high carb/sugary foods (yes, I’m still human and still enjoy the occasional treat) can make my heart race, cause insulin to spike, blood pressure to drop and my brain goes on holiday. Not fun.

Have you achieved the results you were hoping for physically, medically, or emotionally?

Yes. Weight comes off fast in the first 6 months, then slows down and eventually plateaus, which is good, you don’t want to keep losing and losing. The body knows what it’s new normal is. I have reached my target weight, I stopped taking diabetes medication the day of the surgery and never needed them again. I have just had a skin removal surgery and I am healing well because I’m no longer diabetic.

Losing the weight has meant that I can access anything, go anywhere, stand for longer, walk further, hike anywhere, climb, lift, run, fit into any chair, any spa robe, every towel.. it has given me freedom because the built environment is hostile and inaccessible to people in larger bodies. Emotionally it has taught me to think differently about food and to find comfort in other healthier ways.

With rapid weight loss there is something we don’t really talk much about and that’s identity. You literally wake up in ‘someone else’s body’ and while many dream of that, it can be a very unsettling feeling. A feeling of loss almost, of your old self. Nothing feels familiar anymore. Then there is the issue of loose skin. Your body has changed and again you must learn to love the ‘unsightly parts’.

How has the surgery changed your daily life or sense of well-being?

Absolutely. The surgery has been the tool that put my body on my own side. My cravings have changed, they are not carb and sugary anymore. My body and mind crave proteins and crunchy leaves and while I do make conscious better decisions around food, this change in cravings is naturally occuring and internal, not forced by my thinking. And because my body is lighter, it also craves movement and exercise. These are not painful anymore, instead they are exhilarating. I’m walking, running or lifting in the gym four to five times a week. Now, my body works with me towards this goal, not against me. It makes a huge difference, and if that’s ‘the easy way out’, then so be it!

You chose to remain anonymous for this interview. Could you share what led to that decision?

Sharing it but remaining anonymous might give some insight to someone who’s considering the surgery, whilst also honouring my privacy on such a very personal journey.

Looking back, would you still choose to undergo the procedure if you had the chance to decide again?

Hands down, yes. My only regret is not having done it sooner. It is the tool I needed to change everything up.

What advice would you give someone who is considering gastric bypass today?

Do your research. This is by no means an easy fix. It is a permanent ‘mutilation’ of a perfectly good digestive system, so it is a decision you won’t make lightly. You need to weigh all the pros and cons, and whilst this is the answer for some people, it isn’t for everyone. The risks are real, but in my case, so were the risks of diabetes, future problems with kidneys, nervous system, eye sight, circulation etc. It alone will not solve any issues – many people have had gastric surgery only to put weight on, not lose much and even need revision. It requires a massive internal shift in thinking.

I would recommend surrounding yourself with a team of practitioners to support you, including a dietician, a psychologist specializing in eating disorders, an exercise buddy and a doctor for routine blood monitoring. Speak to people who have done it, speak to medical professionals, consult a surgeon, see if it’s for you – and if it is, buckle up baby. It’s gonna be one helluva ride!