Featuring brave women’s #metoomalta experiences to raise awareness about the extensive psychological damage that sexual assault causes on its victims…
Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape.
When Francesca Fenech Conti, administrator of the group Women for Women (Malta) on Facebook shared a personal disclosure of sexual assault, she wasn’t prepared for what happened next…message after message flooded her inbox with real, raw experiences from women who have experienced sexual assault and rape in their lifetimes.
Many women finally found the courage to open up anonymously about their own painful experiences from the past, some of which were childhood sexual traumas, with some of the women speaking up about their own experiences for the very first time in their lives.
Below we are featuring some of these brave women’s #metoomalta experiences with hope of raising awareness about the extensive psychological damage that sexual assault inflicts on its victims, as well as to help more women come to terms with past #metoomalta sexual assault experiences, thus enabling emotional healing.
When I was in year 5 & 6 (around 9-10 years old) I had a teacher who was in his mid 40s. He was a good teacher, funny, smart and he always favoured me. He would give me extra attention with schoolwork and I always looked forward to his lessons.
After a while be began acting inappropriately. I had an operation and being on crutches, I was allowed to spend break times in the classroom whilst being supervised by a teacher. Most days it would be him who would stay with me and during this time he would chat with me, give me pet names, remark on my developing body, rub my back and on one occasion sat next to me and put his hand up my skirt and stroked my privates over my pants.
I remember being so shocked, I grabbed his hand and tried to pull it away. He told me that “as an educator it was his job to teach me about my body as well”. I even began to notice his car parked outside my house very frequently on school days as I didn’t live far. Even though he made me uncomfortable, I was too young to understand what was happening and didn’t say anything to my parents because I was fearful of the repercussions.
When I was 13 I signed up to Facebook. I hadn’t seen him since leaving primary school and after a few weeks of being online, I found a friend request from him. Unfortunately I accepted it and that’s when the grooming and brainwashing started. At first he would seem genuinely interested in how I was doing at school and offered to help if I needed him to answer any homework related questions.
But eventually his conversations turned sexual. He would tell me how much I aroused him and how he thought of me every time he had sex with his wife, he taught me how to masturbate, commented on my looks and even offered to buy me things like jewelry and a mobile if I met up with him in person. Using my innocence and naivety to his advantage, he groomed and manipulated me anyway he wanted. He would tell me that he was in love with me and that he wanted to run away abroad somewhere to start a new life with me and explain in detail all the sexual things he wanted to do to me.
Even though I knew it was wrong, I kept it a secret as he made me believe that I would get into trouble if I told anyone as no one would understand ‘our relationship’. I was in too deep and didn’t know how to get out of it. Sometimes he would get angry if I took long to respond to his messages and would threaten to come to my house to expose us if I ended things and blocked him. I was ashamed, embarrassed and scared and began suffering from anxiety, depression and self harm. I felt completely out of control.
Eventually I called his bluff in the middle of an argument when I told him I couldn’t meet up and blocked him and thankfully I never heard from him again. My experience hugely affected my relationships, behaviour growing up and my mental health. It took me many years to understand what had happened to me and till this day I still suffer from trust issues, anger issues, and PTSD. I bottled it up and blamed myself for so long that only with the help of therapy, I came to accept that I did suffer abuse and that it was not my fault. I refuse to be his victim.
I have many times had the urge to report him. I have always worried about what he might do to other kids if I didn’t speak up and quite truthfully it’s a guilt I carry around every time I think of it. I do want justice but I’m afraid. I’m scared about how it would impact my family who have always been very protective. How they would cope with the revelation that their daughter hid such a painful secret, it would destroy them. HE has taken away so much from me already, I cant let him ruin and break my family now.
Also, another worry of mine is the court. We all know justice is rarely ever served and I don’t think I would be strong enough to go through the whole process, just to have him walk away or end up with a light sentence. Having said that, I would consider taking action to keep other children safe from him if I were to remain anonymous. Fortunately, I do have every single conversation saved, some of them, he clearly confesses to the abuse and his sexual advances towards me.
Dear parents, please make it a point to check your kids’ phones and what they do online, Have those awkward conversations and take all behaviour changes seriously. By doing so, you can be a safe place for children to turn to. Thank you to everyone whose taken the time to read my story. And to anyone who has suffered/ is suffering abuse, you are not alone and with help you can get better
Anonymous Woman#AsurvivorNotavictim #Breakthesilence #Metoo
My worst experience of sexual assault was the following (I had other experiences with boyfriends, at work etc). He was someone close and quite dear to me, much older than me; a fatherly figure. Going out to eat or social events or even alone together was the norm as he was somewhat of a mentor to me.
On one occasion, the plan was to eat out and go out with him and another older woman. After multiple drinks at dinner, the woman announced she wouldn’t be joining for the rest of the night so it was just me & him. But at this point, it still felt like I was out with an older family member, so safe.
He kept buying us drinks, he s quite a big guy so he wasn’t feeling as effected by them. At one point, he kissed me and I felt embarrassed to call him out for it, make a scene or risk losing friendships connected to this one. After his second attempt and myself pulling away, I said I wanted to go home. He said he wasn’t going to allow me to go home in ‘that state’.
He dragged me to the hotel he was staying at and I started to panic but was so scared of making a scene, I kept thinking I was making it up and he wasn’t dangerous. I kept saying I wanted to take a taxi home but he kept insisting there was no way I was going home that night. As he dragged me through the corridors and the lift then to his room, I started to shout for help, he managed to lock me in his room and wouldn’t let me out no matter how much I begged. This went on for a while until I realised he was never going to give in.
I said I’d take the bed and he would take the sofa. I obviously stayed with my clothes fully on. When he thought I was asleep, he entered the bed from the other side and got on top of me and tried to rape me. I pushed and fought as hard as I could, rape has always been one of my biggest fears and this moment was pure horror for me. He kept asking me ‘why are u being like this?’ I knew he was stronger than me and that I was quite intoxicated.
After a while he realised I was never going to give in, gave up and rolled over. I set an alarm for 6am and as soon as it went off, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me out of the hotel and into my car. A month later he sent me photos of his pregnant wife’s ultrasound.
Anonymous Woman
When I was 19 I had a summer job in catering. Soon enough, a work colleague started to show interest in me. He was 27. Eventually, he asked me out and we started dating. We did all the normal things that couples who have just started dating do… drinks, dinner, sunsets, BBQs, swimming, long drives… It was fun!
After a month or so, he introduced me to his friends, which made me feel special, considering they were all nearly 10 years my senior. He was always respectful of my boundaries, especially considering I had only ever had sex with one other person who was my previous boyfriend of 3 years.
One day he offered to pick me up after a late shift to take me out for a drink, and I agreed. He drove me to an abandoned car park in the middle of nowhere at 2am and forced me to have sex with him. Afterwards he drove me home in silence. The next day he quit his job at our workplace and I never heard from him again.
A few months later I saw him at a bus stop and he WINKED AT ME, which I felt was equally as violating as the assault itself.
I am sharing this story to highlight that cases of rape and sexual assault are never black and white. Most women, as I did, keep these experiences buried deep within them and battle with feelings of guilt, fear and shame for years before even realising what has happened to them, let alone thinking of reaching out.
It took me 6 years to realise that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I was raped by someone who I thought respected me and cared about me. #metooMalta #IBelieveYou
Anonymous Woman
I met this guy on a dating app while I was studying in England and we ended up chatting for a week or two. He came off as really endearing and had a large following on Instagram, I think he was some sort of influencer, for some reason that made him more trustworthy. So when he asked me over to his house for a few drinks I naively said yes.
I went to his house and I ended up drinking a lot more than I anticipated, probably due to me being nervous about the date. I remember the alcohol catching up with me and I asked him for some food to help me sober up and I vaguely remember trying to put some pasta into my mouth.
The only thing I really remember happening after that is thinking that we were at a party, when it was only me and him in his whole house. I got to a point where I completely lost any conception of where I was. After that I blacked out.
The next thing I remember is waking up the following morning in this man’s bed, completely naked. I was confused and groggy, I made my way to a bathroom down his hall, when I noticed something dripping down my leg, he didn’t even use a condom.
When he woke up I asked him how one thing led to another, he said we came upstairs after I ate and started having sex. He said that I was so drunk that I didn’t even remember sleeping with him after the first time and he proceeded to tell me that he slept with me again after I said that. He laughed and joked about how drunk we were but I couldn’t remember anything.
When I came to find the t-shirt I was wearing it was covered in pasta sauce, so I asked him what happened and he said I couldn’t even put pasta into my mouth and kept dropping it all over myself. I proceeded to make my way home after that and I didn’t really understand the gravity of the situation until I told my friends what had happened.
When I realised that I had been raped it left me feeling completely violated, guilty and ashamed, it kept me up at night and the assault even went on to affect me in my sexual experiences afterwards.
I occasionally find myself getting upset and angry during sex and end up pushing the man off me, leaving me embarrassed and often in tears. Even now I sometimes feel like I was asking for it but my friends helped me understand that even though I took myself to this man’s house and I drank too much he should have understood that I was too drunk to consent.
As survivors of sexual assault we need to band together and hold these people responsible, something needs to be done to stop this happening on such a huge scale, there’s no excuse for it anymore. Thanks so much Fran for starting this movement within our community, awareness is so important
Anonymous Woman
Hey Fran…the #metoo stories have rendered me speechless. I wish to share mine which fortunately has not had too much of a long lasting negative effect on my life in general. However i wanted to share it to focus on the issue of mental blocking, which sometimes happens and then the victim’s story is invalidated.
Two years ago i was having a conversation with my sister because my niece was preparing for Holy Communion. My sister casually mentioned that she was taking her to her first confession. In our town, the children are taken by the catechism teacher in a group on a certain date before the Holy Communion for their first confession.
Anyway.. when my sister mentioned this, suddenly it was as if a door was thrown wide open in my brain, as I remembered my first confession as a 7 year old.
We were a group of children waiting outside the office of the parish priest, and we went one by one into his office. When it was my turn, the parish priest locked the door. Then he made me sit on his lap while he asked me if i have any sins to confess. I really couldn’t think of anything.. I was feeling more and more uncomfortable as he started to fondle my nearly non existent buds of a breast. I ended up making up stories such as i didn’t obey my mum or something like that.
I was also aware that I was sitting on something hard. I had no idea what it was but it was pressing against my private parts.. Nowadays i realise it was his own private part which was obviously erect. I do remember that I started squirming and at one point attempted to get off him. Finally, after what felt like an interminable time he let me go.
The incredible thing about this, is that I absolutely and completely forgot about it. My mind totally blocked it. It took a trigger to bring it all back 29 years later! But then i remembered it with incredible clarity.
I was in a state of shock for a few days but fortunately i feel the memory was re-awakened at a time when I had the mental and emotional capacity to deal with it. My training in mental health helped a bit as well.
Nowadays i feel totally fine.. I know I did nothing wrong but I thank my lucky stars nothing more serious happened. However since then I have completely stopped attending church. I know not all priests are bad but I feel utterly disgusted and I feel like confession is unnecessary and absurd and I cannot trust them. I also feel like I no longer identify with the catholic religion.
Anonymous Woman
When I was in primary school, I think it was between year one and three (so I just have been between six and 8 years old)… I, together with another two or three girls were called to read in this headmasters office. I was super duper excited about this matter… I LOVED reading, and to read to the headmaster!?
Anyway… we were waiting in line outside his office… and at one point he called me, it was my turn. I started reading this book and at one point he told me to put the book down. Then he got both of my hands and put them on his groin… and started kind of rubbing… and rubbing my hands more and more.
At one point (in hindsight) I remember I was like… uhhh… why is it getting so hard? And then my six year old me told him… “mummy tells us not to touch other people’s private parts” . I must have shocked him or something… he said “but it’s ok”…. than he stopped and told me to go back to class.
As far as I know this only happened one time (with me)… but I think he called the other girls several other times as well.
I only understood everything when we were in PSD in Form 2 or something. Which later on I told my parents but they decided not to do anything since maybe they felt it’ll be dragged into something bigger than it was.
This specific headmaster has nowadays passed away….. but the memories remain.
Bottom line… always always teach your kids about private parts from a young age. Also, I have NO idea what this perv did to the other girls… and probably I’ll never know. It’s scary to think that such people exist but believe me, they do.
Anonymous Woman
It has been two days for me to decide how to share it and whether even to share my story anonymously or not as I am #notashamed.
I have had 2 cases unfortunately of sexual abuse so here it is.It was my stepfathers’ stepfather ( my step grandfather basically). My mother doesn’t know till this day and I don’t see the need to tell her now anyway.
I can’t remember how old I was but I remember I used to like teletubbies at the time so I must have been young. I don’t remember all of the abuse either (God this is hard to say, even when you actually decide to) but I remember on several occasions he used to abuse me orally at the time. The worst thing was I didn’t think it was even bad, I cant remember how long this went on for either but I know we moved far away and I never saw him again and he later died.My father used to have an Arab guy living in his house for years for as long as I can remember, when I was younger (around 11) I used to teach this Arab man English (as i grew up in England) and I guess it was his way of getting close to me.
Anonymous Woman
One day (age 13) I was sleeping and he came into my room and I was awoken by him groping my private parts. I was startled and told him to get out which luckily he did. I told my freinds about it and they told me how to say in Maltese, “If you touch me again I will tell my father”.
A few days later he must have tried something again (again I don’t remember exactly) as I remember I told him what my friends told me to say and all he did was laugh in my face! I then went on and told my mother (she was still living in England at the time) and she called my father to tell him. And you know what my dad did? He made me leave the house and sleep at my cousins’, and let that man stay there!
I don’t speak to my dad for this reason amongst others (such as physical abuse as well towards me, I’m sure he is undiagnosed bipolar).
I wish I could talk about it all but the truth is I’m scared to remember. I also have two daughters who I am so afraid of and I make them fully aware that no matter what, they tell me anything and everything. Its scary and hard to remember but still #iamnotashamed. They should be.
Thank you and stay strong.
My uncle had always been touchy freely with me from when I was a very young child… There was a lot of groping of thighs bum… Long hugs insisting that I sit on him etc.
Anonymous Woman
Nothing significant happened until one day he picked me up at 14 to go to babysit his kids while he and his wife went out. He took me to see a flat that they had purchased on the way to his house. He showed me around and then in the bedroom he started massaging my shoulders. He then suggested that I take off my top and lie on the bed so that he could give me a massage. It was really awkward and I looked at him and said no thank you, I don’t like massages. He laughed and it stopped there.
I think he realised he had crossed a big line because the touchy feeliness stopped after that and his demeanour towards me changed as I got older.
My story is nowhere as severe as the other ladies who posted but this event in my life affected me, I still shudder at the thought of receiving a massage from somebody and I don’t like being touched, hugged hand held by people I don’t know well enough. If this affected me, let alone all those other women (and men) who suffered actual abuse.
The sad thing is that when this kind of thing happens as a child you just think it’s normal. You hold a natural blind trust towards adults especially towards adult relatives as a child. I remember feeling like the touching wasn’t normal… Not even my dad would be that affectionate towards me. But I thought somehow that it was normal until he asked me to remove my top to give me a massage… That set the alarm bells ringing and I think he could tell.
In view of all your shared #metoo experiences, mine seems trivial but still wanted to emphasise just how common such occurences are.
Anonymous Woman
I had just turned 18 and did not own a car yet. Was working as a waitress and after the evening shift ended, in the early hours of the morning, a co-worker who happened to be my friend’s uncle and lived close to my home offered me a lift home. Since I knew his family, was and still is “happily” married and had children of his own, I accepted.
On the way home he started rerouting from the main roads and using secondary “country” roads which at that time were deserted and poorly lit. I immediately questioned his route and he started touching my thighs and complementing my looks. I immediately grabbed the car door handle and made it clear that I was ready to jump out of the car.
Luckily he changed his behaviour, without apologising, and quickly got back on the main roads- me with mobile phone in hand ready to call in case anything else happened.
I am not sure what his real intentions were- but what is wrong with married middle aged men hitting on teenagers? As I later heard of similar stories from friends working in different establishments. Do they feel that by offering a lift in their car…they are entitled to some sort of payment? Or is it so normal in their frame of mind that they just try it on?
When I was 14 years old, I had a boyfriend (17 year old). To me at that age, having a boyfriend meant having someone to kiss, hug and hold hands. But to him it didn’t.
Anonymous Woman
One day he took me to his house and was acting all happy that his parents weren’t there. I asked why and he said that in order to show him that I love him, I had to engage in sexual things with him. I declined, but after another 3 or four tries, he resorted in threatening to burn me with a cigarette if I didn’t comply. I just stood there as he helf me down and waited for it to stop.
I went home and felt completely disgusted at myself. I didn’t think anyone would believe me because I was in a relationship with the guy.
A few days later I couldn’t take keeping it to myself anymore. It was eating me up inside, and he kept messaging me and asking to meet up. I eventually spoke up and told my mother. With her encouragement I ended it with the guy. His reply? “Whatever, I took what I wanted from you anyway.”
I felt awful. He took something from me I could never get back. I wondered what I did to deserve this. I feel sick to my stomach at tme mention of his name and at the thought of possibly seeing him around. To this day I struggle with trust issues, especially when it comes to sexual activities even with my fiancee who I’ve been with for many years.
I encourage people to speak up about things like this with people who care about them. Thankfully, I survived this encounter with the help and support of my family and my now very understanding fiancee. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t spoken up.
I was doing a very expensive 2 year course, and my teacher who was married with children came on to me, intimidated me and guilted me into doing a lot of sexual things.
Anonymous Woman
It all started when I was in his office to talk to him after an exam which went badly in and I was very upset and crying. That was when he started to touch my face. This was followed by a lot of similar situations and inappropriate messages.
I was afraid to do anything, or say anything to anyone. I also felt that I was at fault because I thought I made myself available by being young and attractive. I also thought If I told anyone, everyone would blame me for seducing him, and the course would be disrupted because of me, as he was out only teacher. I was also 19 at the time, and the fact that I wasn’t a minor made me think that I was at fault even more.
This went on for over a year. And he was playing so many games with me that it was destroying me mentally. He used to tell me to go to his house or he would fail me in my course, and I used to spend 6 hours in front of his house waiting for him to arrive, then he would say he couldn’t make it as he was “out”. This happened many times.
Thinking about it now it seems so stupid, but I was so afraid that if I didn’t do what he said he would tell someone and I would get all the blame. He also used to tell me to go into his office and perform oral sex.
He used to tell me my clothes were shit, that I didn’t shave my legs properly, and make me feel guilty for a lot of other things about myself. I can’t believe I did these things! But the fact that he was in a position of power and used it in order to threaten me is just disgusting to me now.
When I finally had the courage to stop what I was doing, he used to come and find me in a classroom alone where I used to study, close the door and try and intimidate me. He told me that he bought me an expensive ring that that I shouldn’t “leave” him. When I told him no again, he was throwing things and banging stuff around, it was so scary.
Fast forward to today, and my worst nightmare came true. The principal of that school got to find out what happened (my classmates were using my laptop (I had left it on my desk and I went for break) and read my messages and saw all his inappropriate messages, but to them I was the slut who seduced him. So the principal messaged my partner and told him what “I used to do”.
This situation was so fucked up, I can’t believe a teacher, who is supposed to guide and protect could do things like this. I can’t believe how much influence he had over me, knowing that I was young and vulnerable and he decided to exploit that. What’s even more messed up is that writing this, I still feel that it seems as though it was my fault, I’m thinking that if I post it people will say, “but why didn’t you tell him NO or just speak up??” I think that too, but the fact that I didn’t say anything as it was happening showed the hold he had over me. And how petrified I was that people would find out.
If someone harasses you at school or at work, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU#metoo
At the age of 5 , my mother sent me to the local priest piano lessons. He started out by putting his hands between my legs during piano lessons.
Anonymous Woman
The terrible ordeal I am going to talk about is tainted by horrific moments of absolute amnesia of the full fletched events. Meaning I know I was raped but I only get flashbacks. So please I apologise for not being coherent because even talking about it now makes me ill.
For years I couldn’t go to the toilet without the horror of having 2 fingers penetrate my vagina. I was scared to pee for years. At night for years there used to be monsters in my room. A big giant spider sleeping with me on the bed.
As I grew up I always felt ashamed because I remembered this girl and myself playing with this priest ‘s combover… when he took her behind the door and she came back looking horrified. I only managed to get her face away from my memory trough recent therapy.
At the age of 14/15 I started realising what had actually happened to me… the day he took me to his bedroom to show me his kittens.
I had a total refusal to go to church. I didn’t want to go in. I was afraid. In return, the church exorcised me about 3 times, trying to say I was possessed by a demon. The truth is as because of trauma I couldn’t really remember what had happened to me, I couldn’t really verbalise it.
Up to this day I look at my hands, and my long fingers and know i was meant to be a pianist. But I became a painter instead. Art has helped me deal with my ptsd…although it always took over me… I always felt like there was uncontrollable force that takes over my body…when something specific happened to me. So I always thought I was mad and useless and a piece of shit.
I always got myself into horrid relationships where I was treated like a nothing. I hated myself. Until the day I had my son and finally I had a reason to love myself again and be alive.
I would like to thank victim support for all their help…. and if you are a mother of an abused child…. please take her/ him to therapy.
This topic has rekindled so many memories and now I realize that even myself was a victim. We need to spread more info to girls that they shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it and report.Unfortunately such events made me always think/feel that I was in the wrong. Here are my stories:
Anonymous Woman
One time on the Gozo ferry an employee was speaking to me then he unzipped his bermuda and started masturbating. One time on the bus a man started touching my legs and then started masturbating.
When I started going out to clubs many gave me the impression that if you accept a drink from someone they want just sex in return. They will all offer you a lift home, park in a remote street and force themselves inside.
After 2 such occasions I didn’t trust anyone else, but unfortunately such episodes leave a negative impact psychologically. You will feel dirty and even guilty. We need to educate better our girls so they will not be afraid to speak out. By keeping silent we are just protecting such monsters.
I was 10 my brother was 13. He used to make me play very perversive games. He used to show me his penis and play with it in front of me, stay touching me inappropriately and more.
Anonymous Woman
Once my grandma caught him touching my ass in his room while I was playing with the PS2… the only thing that happened after this event was my grandma telling me ‘Ara thallieħx imissek ta l-ħuk’.
My parents to this day still question why I’m always hostile towards him. Mind you, we still live with our parents (because we both study and can’t afford to pay rent) and he stays naked in his room, most of the times he would be jerking off, all this with the door open and me in the house (I don’t know if he’s ever done this when my parents are here). He’s now a grown man.
Most of you will say that he was just a child like you did on the other post. I was just a child as well. I became colder towards him at the age of 13 when I started to realize what had happened. My parents were always excusing him for everything. He learned to get away with things. I’m not saying that my parents are the worst, far from this, but unfortunately they failed me and him with this.
To this day I can’t be hugged by any of them. I hate it. To this day they still tell me things like ‘You only have each other, so love each other’. To this day I have to look at this person and smile, celebrate his birthday, communicate with him. I can’t report him, I can’t do anything because this is my brother and we were both young.
This is something I have kept to myself since, and I haven’t really realised how much it actually affected me until yesterday, after reading a lot of other women’s posts and couldn’t stop crying at night. I’m really sorry for everything these women (and I’m pretty sure there’s more) for everything they’ve been through and hope that they have grown only stronger from these events
When i was 18, just like a normal teenager I went to Paceville with my friends. And as usual to get home we took a cab, where my friends lived far from where I lived however we managed to get the cab altogether. When we got the cab, the driver asked where we are heading, and since my friends lived on the other end of the island and I lived in a central area it felt naturally that we drive my friends first.
Anonymous Woman
So far everything was fine, until my last friend got off the cab. The driver started touching me while driving. I did my best in stopping him, but of course he was much stronger than me, and his hands were firm. He even locked the car so that I couldn’t get out. I started shouting to stop the car so that I could get off, but since it was late in the night no one could hear me.
When I was about 30 mins walk away from home I managed to get out of the car. I remember getting home later than my curfew with my mother asking why I arrived later than I should have. I didn’t want to tell anyone what happened. I felt scared and ashamed. But my mother knew something was wrong, so I had to tell her everything.
The next morning me and my mother went to the cab company to report what happened, again I felt so ashamed. However when I reported they asked me how old I was and naturally I told them that I was 18, and since I wasn’t a minor they didn’t take much interest. They told me that they’ll fire the driver and to shut me up they gave me free cab vouchers.
Nowadays I get furious thinking that these things are still happening, that even though I was an adult I felt that since I was 18 it was something that I was expected to deal with.
But now I strongly believe that no matter how old you are such behaviour is unacceptable. And I really admire all these women in WFW who are sharing their stories and are being supportive. A message to all the women, you’re not alone, we’re in this together, so let’s continue support each other and lift each other up .
I was around 16years, dating a guy a couple of years older than me. One night he told me that a friend of his was going to pick me up and take me to his workplace so we can go to my guy’s apartment. So far so good, apart from the fact that they were living together.
Anonymous Woman
We were in my ex boy’s room and things heated up between us 2. We were having sex when all of a sudden, his friend got in and joined in without even asking for consent, as if both of them had planned everything. I remember telling him “Le ta! X’qed taħsibni?!” But of course I couldn’t resist one man’s strength, let alone 2 men.
I still have fb chats which specifically show how hurt I was with this situation as after that situation he would ask me if I wanted to go out and my response would be “Biex jerga jigri l-istess? Jien mux il-q@hb@ tiegħek”.
The intercourse between us two was with consent, but the threesome was NOT! I WAS NEVER OK WITH BEING INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER GUY. I thought that he loved me but I guess that was just a catching phrase for him to get whatever he desires.
Now that 7 years have gone by and there is more rape awareness, I encourage all rape victims to speak up. Such pigs cannot be left roaming around our streets. My only wish is to take revenge on this pig, however now is too late to even file a police report.
No one should ever judge or justify a rape. Even if you change your mind during intercourse, a no is a NO and should be respected
I don’t remember exactly when it started but I think I was around 7-8 After my grandfather died, my mum offered my grandmother to sleep with us. We did not have an extra room and she always slept in my room in the same bed with me.
Anonymous Woman
She used to touch my intimate parts with the excuse to check how much I was growing up. These episodes kept going for few yours and once she asked me “Int qatt m’għedt lil xi ħadd fuq li nagħmillek hekk hux? Ara ma tgħidx lil xi ħadd għax jaħsbuk miġnuna”. In fact I never did. I was scared to create a havoc in our family.
My grandma died few years ago and never told the story to anyone as I imagine my mum get to know these things now about her mother. I ended up suffering from very low self esteem and anxiety.
Please keep an eye on your children and those close around you, especially people who disguise themselves as saints. My grandmother was a 70+ lady who goes to church and prays everyday!
I write this with a beating heart and shaky hands. I have been trying to block out the whole ordeal for quite some time now, but seeing these posts made me think, for the past two weeks, to share my story and I am hoping it could bring some closure, because justice was not served, quite the opposite actually. Since this was a court case I will not mention dates and ages.
Anonymous Woman
When I was a child in primary school I was sexually assaulted by the (then) teacher. As a child I was very shy and quiet, I could hardly manage to speak up in class. We were learning how to read, and I still had some trouble then which I think was mostly due to my shyness. Hence, the teacher used to call me up next to him at his desk (on the side where he had his desk drawers) while we did class reading.
While wearing the school dress (which I think was used for the hotter days of Autum and Spring) he used to put his hands up my skirt and caress. I don’t know if it happened while wearing the other uniform, it has been a while and I have tried to block it out. It never went beyond caressing, but it used to make me very uncomfortable, yet for some reason I said nothing, even though my mother always stressed that no one was allowed to touch us there. Maybe I thought it was not something to create a big deal out of? I don’t know.
Unfortunately, it did not stop there. The teacher used to buy me gifts and he had gotten close to my parents so much so that he started giving me private lessons, something which I was used to already. My parents trusted him as he was the first teacher to make an effort to help me like that. During private lessons we were a ‘class’ (maybe 6 to 8 students). He used to tell me to sit in a corner where he would sit next to me while working on exercises. I still remember vividly him trying to pull down the zipper of whatever I was wearing. This went on for almost 3 years and as I got older, it became more uncomfortable. I was trying to tell my mum but did not know how to put it into words.
One day while getting ready to go to the private lessons I blurted to my younger sister that I did not want to go because he would touch me there. My sister, which I knew would repeat everything she hears, went running to my mother telling her everything which shattered the poor woman.
Immediately we went to the police, Appoġġ were contacted and I found a lot of support. They reassured me everything will be okay and that justice would be served. I testified in court in a separate room and at the end of the session they asked me to go into the court room and point at the man and the bastard had the nerve to smirk.
For me, a huge stone had already been lifted off my chest and I felt like I could slowly return to normal and I knew that he could not do the same to anyone else while the case was on-going. Court sessions went on from there, but I was only present once.
Almost 8 years later I was in the kitchen with my family, the news was on. We started hearing about a sexual assault story by a teacher, my mum commented ‘like yours,’ and a few minutes later we realised that it was MINE! He was cleared, later we found out that it was due to lack of evidence, but the media portrayed it as a made-up lie! I was so upset and angry. Everything written in the papers was twisted to favour him (I re-read the article today which got me shaking and gave me enough courage to write this post).
What makes me even angrier is the fact that I was not given a chance to answer to the claims he made which eventually rendered him ‘innocent’. I have an answer to each claim, but no one called me in after that one time.
The day I heard the news I lost it, it had been so long, I grew up and started moving on knowing that someday justice would be reached. The weeks that followed were not easy, I felt like I was floating in a nightmare. I felt powerless. My parents, quiet people by nature, were furious and we went back to speak to my lawyer to appeal the case to find that he had become a magistrate and his cases were given to a newly appointed lawyer who had the guts to tell me, ‘god will see him to justice.’ What bull*!
I went to Appoġġ again. I tried appealing the case, but it was rejected. The whole situation had resurfaced and emotionally it was destroying me. Appoġġ asked if I would like to press further and I decided against it. It was taking a lot of my energy and I could not focus on my studies which were the most important thing to me.
Justice failed me once and I did not give it time to fail me twice. I decided to move on, knowing that either way he was not likely to do it to other children now (retired and warrant revoked). So I moved on, but whenever I remember I feel angry, like I want to do something about it, because justice was not served. There is nothing to do now, but seeing women coming together sharing their stories has helped me.
All these stories about abuse bring back a lot of flashbacks, a lot pain and a lot of anger.
1. My Story – When I was 21 I was locked in a room with a 65 year old man, who screamed at me till I took my clothes off, pushed me down to the floor and pulled my face to speak to his private area, tied my hands together so I couldn’t move so he could help himself to touching my body, who forced me to kiss him, force me to hold his dick tighter and tighter till he felt pain, to lay on the floor and pretend im ‘dead’ so he can lay on top of me, a ‘man’ who held my face and looked me in the eye and said “why are you crying”. Who said I can’t escape now and have to do what he says. It probably was only around 45 mins but felt like 3 hours.
I remember my body freezing, I always thought I’d fight back but I was so shocked I couldn’t get my body to react and move and fight back. I remember thinking he will probably kill me and I will never see my family again.
After kind of thankful to be alive I felt disgusted, I remember not being able to look anyone in the eye as if what had happened was written on my forehead, I wanted to rip my skin off I felt so dirty yet I didn’t have the energy to remove the clothes I was wearing (not that it matters but I was wearing a shirt and jeans nothing revealing) I couldn’t get myself to even shower, I lay in bed in complete darkness for 4 days.
Until something clicked, I started thinking how I have to do something about it and after 4 days I reported him and tried to get my life back to ‘normal’.
2. Reporting abuse – I am not discouraging anyone, PLEASE REPORT!!! DO NOT REMAIN SILENT, YOU COULD BE SAVING SOMEONE however sayin that MALTA NEEDS TO WAKE UP AND CHANGE and here is why:
Police Station: I had to speak to a police man that looked no older than 20 when I told him my story. He felt uncomfortable and had to get another policeman to take over. Had to repeat EVERYTHING all over again, at the desk, you would think they would take you to the side. NO PRIVACY what-so-ever. They then showed me a picture of the person (because I knew his name) to confirm if it was him, because this person is well known in Malta. I was asked OVER AND OVER again if I was sure, whilst repeating his name countless times. One police man even commented..”don’t bother”
Legal Advice: Whilst I appreciate the help I got. Where is the sensitivity? I was faced with a lot of ‘ But why didn’t you do this, why didn’t you do that’, I was told, not to dress in certain ways (including gym wear was a no go) how to act or not act in public because we STILL have the mentality of ‘ be careful because people are going to think you asked for it’, I know the person had the best intentions but imagine being totally broken by this person? and feeling like you’re just being pushed further to believing you could have avoided the situation!
Please lawyers be sensitive, this person stole my trust and sense of safety, for good!!! ( I do know you have to toughen up for court cases but a little empathy and understanding would have gone a long way )
Media: When it eventually got out to the press, the keyboard warriors came in full force ‘shes 21 she’s not an idiot, ‘ how naive’, ‘ if she didn’t want to why did she go along with it then’ and one that I will remember for a very long time (and if you are in this group SHAME ON YOU, as it was from a woman) ”I don’t know her personally but my friend knows her and told me she’s a real snob u ‘tħossha’, probably was asking for it”, not going to shy away from this, after being so strong and fighting this, it was the online comments that started making me think about suicide, I was hurting and people were taking it as a joke (there are also local memes about it, THINK BEFORE YOU SHARE) So seriously if you don’t understand and don’t know any better, please shut up, you do not know how this might affect someone.
Justice system: Where do I even start!! First of all this case took 4 YEARS TO SOLVE… 4! Although he ADMITTED and was found GUILTY he was given a 2 year suspended sentence, what a bloody joke!! The abuser was also waiting outside court every time I left, no protection whatsoever, he could have easily followed me home. He was also allowed to travel whilst we were meant to have court, did they do anything? NO. And now he is a free man all is forgiven and forgotten (not by me of course)
So please, do not judge, ASK if they are open to being asked questions because sometimes it feels a lot like an attack, do not pass comments, do not tell them what they COULD HAVE DONE or WHAT THEY SHOULD DO, just be supportive and let them know you’re there for them. As for Malta and its justice system…wake.the.F.up!!!!!
Anonymous Woman
I was 15 with friends outside a club (bouncers wouldn’t let me in) so the guy (my friend) who I was supposed to meet came outside with his friends. There was this one guy that started talking to me and anyway, we all got along. He then asked if me and my friends wanted to go hangout with the rest of his group who were renting a flat. We all agreed.
Anonymous Woman
Once in the flat, I asked him if I could go to the bathroom. I went and when I came out he started kissing me and led me to a bedroom and locked the door. My friends didn’t see this happening.
He started trying to undress me and when I refused, he tried to charm me and sweet talk me. 15 mins passed. I was so confused and scared. I thought he won’t try again since he was being so sweet. Well, he tried again, I kept saying no and this is when he grabbed me by the neck and hit me in the face. I was shocked, I couldn’t scream or say a word. Luckily, nothing happened as my friends in the meantime started asking for me and calling my name. I yelled that I’m in the room and the look in his eyes when I did, I’ve never seen anything like it. I rushed out of the room once he unlocked it and just told my friends I wanted to leave.
However, that is not the worst thing. I then found out he had a girlfriend which I knew at school. I had no idea. I kept my mouth shut. Years passed and I got a job which.. she worked at. I had no clue again. it was killing me seeing her everyday with an engagement ring knowing what a piece of shit he is. I’ll never know if she knows that he is a cheater but he is an abuser and I don’t know if it’s a mistake that I’ve never told her.
Please never ever trust anyone and never go to their house. I was in a flat full of people, I could have been raped by not one but two or more. Thankfully my friends looked for me but he still managed to lock me in a room and almost be successful. BE AWARE.
It all started at a very young age but I couldn’t remember the age exactly. For sure it was before the Holy Communion as I remember very well that I had a sin which I wanted God to forgive me for but I was too afraid to say it.
Anonymous Woman
The abuse came from my uncle and it lasted for years. He was my lecturer on how a blow job is done and all sorts of experiments. He used to tell me a lot of adult stuff and I remember the pleasure sensation. This pleasing feeling was very confusing for me as how can you take pleasure from something sooooo wrong! Our families were always together every weekend and this basically happened every weekend either at their home or even in public places.
The biggest guilt that I feel is that I used to ask him to go for a walk with him even though I knew what was going to happen and that is very sickening even thinking of it. When we were at their home which is a very small apartment I used to be like just a room away from my parents with a slightly open door with him doing all this…
I never took professional help and in some instances I do feel that I need help as I now have a young daughter and I’m like all eyes on her when family members are around and I doubt everyone! My rapist was the perfect father family, hard worker, good man bla bla bla.
I told my mother only recently around 15 years after the abuse as I thought she would not understand or believe me. My mother and her sister which is my rapist’s wife are sooo close and that was mainly the reason why I kept this as a secret. To my surprise when I opened up with her she believed me instantly without any doubt. I still feel the shiver of when I told her the story. The reason why she believed me was because apparently there was a stage where I didn’t want to visit my aunty anymore and she was getting suspicious and in fact she didn’t take me anymore.
This monster had cancer a couple of years ago and my mother wanted me to visit them at all cost cause obviously my aunty saw it as a lack of respect given their close relationship. Believe me I cannot remove that image of him looking at me all grown up and smiling. If I was left alone with him I would have killed him for sure. He saw me looking at the pictures which my aunty has of when we were all young all the cousins together and he told me “Qed tiftakar meta kont zgħira” maaa the anger that I felt at that moment is even worse of the flashbacks of the rape. The only thing that I told him in front of my aunty is “daqs kemm hemm affarijiet sbieħ x’ niftakar!”.
Today I’m a wife and a mother but this still effects me as I cannot tolerate it when for example my husband talks to me sexually rude.. he’s doing nothing wrong and I know that if I hadn’t had all this baggage I would enjoy it but it’s very hard for me. Sometimes I feel I still need help even though many years have passed.
After reading all these abuse stories I want to speak about something that happened to me when I was a young teen and this I kept buried inside for so long. Thanks to the post I am going to write this for the 1st time.
Anonymous Woman
I was abused by my cousin from ages 15 to 18. My aunt’s family were very close to us and my mum trusted us with the cousins, the males. They were older than us by 6 yrs or so. We used to go on holidays together and sleepovers. The abuse started because my mum used to blindly trust them and leave us there and my cousin started to make advances on me like fondling but with clothes on. Then one day he sexually abused me in our stairs because we lived on the 2nd floor. They lived on the 3rd floor. He abused me and my mum was just few steps away washing the stairs but he covered my mouth.
The brutality of this is that he penetrated me anally so he told me if I go to the doctor or report him they will still know I am a virgin. I told my mum eventually and she was shocked but the next day he turned all the story against me saying that I seduced him…and all believed him.
The abuse and brainwashing continued and to make matters more sick and twisted I was forced to marry him. That marriage was annulled…it lasted for 3 months. 3 months of hell as he was a sadistic sick person. It’s a very long story and even thinking about it I feel nauseous and sick. I never got over this…in fact I grew up to marry another man who was violent and equally treated me like trash.
I never seek help about this abuse and part of my depression and anxiety is because of it I dont trust anyone and I feel I’m never loved enough and that I feel betrayed by my parents. I can’t forgive them. It’s hard. I wish I can speak to a therapist about this although years passed I am scarred and still can’t get over it.
I never really shared my story as I thought it wasn’t abuse. When I was 16 we used to hang out as mixed ages group at a lido/ pitch by the sea. So there were older boys 18-21 and we felt we looked cool hanging out with older boys who drove. Me and my best friend who was a year older hung out with these two at the time young men and went for a car ride (ex ice cream) and after went on his family boat as we had done once or twice before to relax, play cards or even have a drink (we drove there in separate cars).
Anonymous Woman
As we got to the boat I asked “where are they?” as we arrived alone, he said “they’re coming soon in 5 mins, let’s go inside relax until then” of which when I did he locked the door and started kissing me when I said “I don’t want sex I barely know you” he said “Uwejja m’għandi xej ta!” and kept persisting and undressing me. I said no a few times but was really scared and he kept saying “uwejja don’t worry” as he undressed and exposed himself, I was in shock. I stood there and didn’t move he just kept coming onto me pushed me on the bed even as I muttered “I don’t want to” he replied “it’s ok it won’t last long I’m not gonna hurt you” and he started whispering things in my ear as I stood there rigid and frozen saying “ please no” …
The whole ordeal lasted maybe 2 mins. He ejaculated on my belly and I stood there frozen and disgusted by it. And after literally a minute my friend arrived – I was so scared I remember grabbing her hand and squeezing it whispering to her I didn’t want to I didn’t want to jaq jaq jaq jaq please take me home. My coping mechanism was completely blocking the memory out and forgetting it and my mind always said “ovja x’tippretendi li kien ħa jagħmel, tort tiegħek, he was older than you and you should have known”. I forced myself to believe it was normal – ejja I had sex get over it.
That night I messaged him that ‘we’re better off as just friends’ thinking that should give him the message that I didn’t want any intimacy. But whenever I saw him again I shuddered.
That week I saw him again and he told me alone “Kemm ħadt pjaċir!” I remained quiet as I didn’t want anyone to find out!!! But the word eventually got out and I felt so ashamed I just wanted to bury the latest gossip. They didn’t know how many times I said please no. I ignored it and only ever told my best friend some years later (the real story).
Till this day, I am now 24, I still see him around and about and he still tries to add me on fb and message me but I ignore him. And I was always a very assertive person and strong but at that point I remember I just froze, I felt my legs numb, and it was like I lost vision and was so scared I didn’t know what to do. My relationship after that was deeply affected. I used to get angry when he merely put his hand on my lap for a while but now I got over it.
These stories brought back flashbacks and I wish I could hug every girl/ woman who has experienced this. It’s like everyone has a story to tell. Lots of love to all those reading too. #metoo I am feeling dizzy now just revisiting those memories which I had buried deep deep down.
I also just remembered another incident. When I was maybe 7/8 years old my mum was heavily pregnant and she used to send me next door, literally, we had a super market there and I went to get whatever she needed and my first encounter was in the lift with a foreigner (he was Chinese)… He came inside running and stayed behind me, and put his hand inside the front of my top from my shoulders Again I froze he was touching my nipple (no bra at 7) and after I realized what’s happening a good few seconds I shook him off and took a step forward , this was all whilst I was in the lift!!!
I went home crying and my mum was sooo upset and went to the super market but about 17 years ago there was no cctv I think, they couldn’t catch him he was already gone
In 2010 I went out with my friend (I was 20). We were clubbing and had a few drinks, but I wasn’t drunk. My friends went home and I went to Fuego to see if there was anyone I knew. I met a man who was on holiday from Australia.
I went to the bathroom and while I was there he bought me a drink. The next thing I remember is waking up in my underwear next to a skirt stinking of sperm. My shoes were on the floor filled with sand. I had no idea what had happened to me or how I even got home.
My first reaction was to wash my skirt. I felt violated, embarrassed and shocked as it was obvious to me that I had been drugged and raped. But I was too ashamed to say anything. All I did was take the equivalent of the MAP in my contraceptive pills as I didn’t want to risk being pregnant from someone who had raped me. I told no one.
I called in sick the following Monday (this had happened on a Saturday night) as I was still feeling very ashamed. I went in on Tuesday and my closest colleague saw that something wasn’t right. I burst out crying and told her. She forced me to go report it (I did not want to, she literally dragged me there), and I started with my report.The first thing the police told me was ‘you know you can go to prison for 2 years if you’re lying right?’ – simply because I was reluctant to give my friend’s name since she wasnt with me when i met the guy and i didn’t want to get her into problems. They sent me from depot to PS to depot with sketch artists. 10 years later I still remember the shoes he was wearing – I WASN’T DRUNK!
I spent the whole day on a wild goose chase. I finally made it to the hospital where they were going to check if I was indeed raped. And the police didn’t show up because “it’s all a lie and I don’t want to waste my time” – BTW this was a WOMAN. The law states that nurses cannot check for rape if there isn’t a police woman present. So I never got checked. The fact that I washed my skirt and hesitated when asked for my friends name made me a liar.
Very few people know my story as i still feel ashamed. These things dont always make the news and please note I DID TRY TO REPORT, but I was ridiculed. I had already lost most of my faith in the police, but this made me lose the little faith I had left. He went free and God only knows how many other women he has done this to.
Anonymous Woman
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