“You’re the worst mum ever!”, shouted my 6 year old angrily at me this morning, coincidentally on Valentine’s day. I must admit, as a mother I’ve always experienced that doubting voice inside my head whispering tauntingly, “are you really a good mum to your children?”. And whilst I believe I have been doing the best I can as a mother for almost 20 years, hearing those words still felt like a knife cutting right through my heart.
See, my way of being a mother may somehow differ from the way other mothers follow in the upbringing of their children. Having become a mother at 18 whilst experiencing some of the hardest times in my life, being a mother not only came naturally, but it rewarded me with a tiny little girl that depended on me as much as I depended on her. She yearned for my love as much as I yearned for hers. And throughout the years it felt like we were growing together. I was more of a friend to her rather than an authoritative mother.
Through the years many questioned my way of motherhood, yet although I had ongoing doubts, I wanted to keep on following what I felt was proving to be a good upbringing tactic.
Today that little baby is now 19. And I’ve been raising my other two daughters of 12 and 6 in the same way. I can’t say it was always perfect. Doubts still lingered in my mind, as they did today when hearing those hurtful words flowing out of my youngest daughter’s mouth. Long story short, what triggered her to shout you are the worst mum ever at me was not tolerating a rude attitude by her at the time. Because yes, discipline still is a thing I want to instill in my children, even through positive parenting.
My doubts soon melted away though, as although at the time I kept calm, my elder daughters took her aside amidst a tantrum and talked to her calmly, trying to show her where she was wrong. It was actually heartwarming hearing them telling their youngest sister that she should have never hurt me like that “after all she does for you”…
After about an hour of discussion, she came to me and apologised for hurting me, hugging me and reassuring me that it won’t be happening again. I doubt it…but that aside, I felt relieved and reassured that the parenting method I’m using is working. Despite those words, the highlight of this event was the way my elder daughters talked to her, prompting her to reflect and understand what was it that was not appropriate…prompting her to learn through experience rather than orders, which is basically what I aim to do as a mother.
Why am I sharing my experience today? Three reasons…
- If you have experienced pain as a mother, do not be too hard on yourself. Know beyond doubt that you are doing the best that you can at this moment in time. We are human. We are bound to make mistakes along the way. We are definitely not perfect, but we can try our best, and that should be enough to feel and be at peace with ourselves as mothers.
- Believe in yourself and do not let anything get you down. Your way of parenting may or may not be like others, and you will find people who will criticise you on your parenting methods. But if you do believe that you are on the right track, follow your heart and keep at it. You know your children best as well as yourself…you know exactly what works for you and your family.
- Know that there is an unseen reality behind every ‘perfect mum’. Every day we are bombarded by media, shown what those around us want us to see. That however doesn’t mean that it reflects reality. Truth is motherhood is over-rated. Motherhood is not only smiles, cuddles, laughing and happiness. With motherhood come endless tears, worry beyond measure, a deep yearning for peace and silence, sleepless nights, shocking tantrums, screaming without any valid reason, days with no time to shower, and sometimes the accompanying depression, anxiety and stress.
Is it worth it being a mum? Without doubt I still answer yes, but we need to expose the reality beyond those pictures featuring only pure bliss and happiness so that mothers experiencing such situations behind closed doors do not feel like complete failures, but rather than that feel that these things do happen and are a normal part of what motherhood truly is.
Do you have an experience you’d like to share with us about parenting and motherhood? Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
Claire Galea is a mum of three currently reading for a Degree in Nursing at the Faculty of Health Sciences, University of Malta, as a mature student. She is keen about holistic patient-centered care as well as public education about health-related subjects, which she frequently writes about on Wham as a Content Writer and Website Editor.
Claire is also passionate about spreading awareness on the negative effects that domestic abuse leaves on its victims’ mental, emotional, social and physical wellbeing. She is the author of two downloadable ebooks, namely Heal Your Life Forever and 5 Simple Steps To Creating The Life Of Your Dreams.
Click here to check out Claire’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
