Menopause – Sex Intimacy and Relationships During and After Menopause

Menopause is associated with various changes which may affect a woman’s sex life. Lower hormonal levels, for example can lower your sex drive or make vaginal tissue drier and thinner, resulting in uncomfortable sex. Increased irritability or feelings of stress are common around this time, and sleep may be impaired by night sweats and hot flushes.

However, sex and intimacy during and after menopause are not only about loss.

Research studies focusing on this particular time in a woman’s life indicate that menopause can also be an opportunity for growth, healing and increased sexual pleasure and satisfaction. A woman can feel more empowered during her menopausal years because age can bring about wisdom and a clearer sense of self. Moreover, in later years some women feel they are in a good place, more confident and comfortable in their own skin.

If the woman has a family, changes in lifestyle during the menopausal years can also facilitate more privacy and time for sex especially if the children have moved out and the stresses of being parents are somehow lessened. Moreover after menopause there is less need of birth control.  However as these factors facilitate sexual intimacy some women might become increasing anxious especially if there are difficulties with shame, trauma and depression.

There are various ways in which you can improve your sexual health during and after menopause. These include physical activity, which boosts energy levels and body image, and avoiding or reducing smoking, drugs and alcohol. Having sex more often and engaging in pelvic floor exercises can increase blood flow to the vagina, keeping the tissues healthier, while the latter also strengthens the muscles involved in orgasm.

Bubble baths and certain soaps might cause vaginal irritation, so avoid these if possible. Some pills and creams can also increase sex drive, but these should only be used following the advice of your doctor. Over-the-counter vaginal lubricants or moisturisers can help with vaginal dryness, but in more severe cases your doctor can prescribe stronger products.

If you are in a relationship, talking to your partner about your experiences and concerns during this time can strengthen your relationship.

Try discussing what feels good and what does not, the times when you feel more relaxed and more open to sex, which positions are more comfortable, and your concerns about how you are changing physically. If vaginal intercourse is painful or uncomfortable, you may also want to discuss other ways of enjoying physical intimacy, such as oral sex, mutual masturbation or massage.

For a number of women the quality of the relationship, especially if a committed one, has to be good in order to be able to be sexually intimate. At times there needs to be a renegotiation of the sexual relationship because earlier arrangements of provider-protector or handsome-charming partner might not do the trick after the ups and downs of twenty or so years together. During this time openness and communication is key creating conversations around growing old together is important.

Menopause is not an easy change for a most women. Bringing into focus one’s sexuality and intimate relationships is often part of this transition.

Unfortunately, menopause can be a time for some of us to completely loose interest in sex and give it up altogether. However, for others it might be a time of new beginnings, a time to start something afresh and become the author of their own desire.