Budgeting Tips for Women with Money Coach Luca Caruana

Thank you, Mr Caruana, for collaborating with us on this valuable interview. Could you kindly introduce yourself and tell our readers a little about the work you do on a daily basis?

Thank you for having me. I’m Luca Caruana, a Certified Money Coach, and my work is quite different from what most people imagine when they hear the word ‘finance’. I don’t sell products, and I don’t tell people where to put their money. What I do is help people understand their relationship with money… the habits, the fears, the beliefs they inherited without ever choosing them.

On a typical day I might be coaching a couple who can’t talk about money without arguing, running a financial wellbeing workshop for employees at a company, or answering a reader’s letter in my Times of Malta column. I also founded the Money Coaching Hub, where I run courses on budgeting and investing, and Monipal, a platform that helps employers and organisations support the financial wellbeing of their teams. The common thread in all of it is education. When people understand money, they make calmer, better decisions. That’s the whole job, really.

Why should women be involved in budgeting and financial decisions even if they are not earning an income? And how does unpaid work such as childcare and household management contribute financially to a relationship?

I want to answer this personally, because it’s not theoretical for me. Some years ago my wife had to pause her career to care for our daughter, who at the time had a particular condition. Overnight, I became the sole breadwinner. And I can tell you with complete honesty: the work she did at home was as significant as any full-time paid job. If we had to pay someone to do what she did, the childcare, the household management, the emotional labour of holding a family together, the cost would have been enormous. That work has real economic value, even if no payslip ever arrives for it.

So when someone asks me why a woman who isn’t earning should be involved in financial decisions, my answer is simple: because she is already contributing to them. The income may flow through one bank account, but it is generated by two people’s work. A family is a partnership, not an employer and an employee. And in my coaching experience, the couples who treat it that way, who sit down together, look at the numbers together, decide together, are the ones who last.

What risks can arise when only one partner controls the household finances?

The risks range from mild discomfort to something genuinely dangerous. At the mild end, I see it constantly in my coaching: the partner who doesn’t handle the money starts to feel like a guest in her own financial life. She hesitates to spend on herself, she feels undeserving, she stops asking questions. Slowly, she loses both the confidence and the knowledge to manage money at all.

At the serious end sits financial abuse, and I’ve written about this in my column because I receive these letters. Money becomes a tool of control: an allowance handed out with conditions, constant reminders that ‘you’d starve without me’, no access to accounts, no visibility of what exists. It is rarely reported, partly out of shame, and the lack of conversation about it locally doesn’t make it less of a problem. Even in loving, healthy relationships, total dependence on one person’s knowledge is a risk. If that person dies, falls ill, or leaves, the other partner is lost at the worst possible moment. Both partners need to know where the money is, what the passwords are, and how the household actually runs.

Should income earned by one partner be viewed as shared money when the other is raising children or managing the home? And is splitting expenses 50/50 always fair, particularly when one partner has stepped back from paid work?

Yes to the first, and no to the second. If a couple has agreed that one partner steps back from paid work to raise children or run the home, then that income is family income. It was made possible by an arrangement both people chose. The earning partner didn’t build that career alone… someone was covering everything else so they could.

Which is exactly why 50/50 splitting can be deeply unfair. It looks equal on paper, but equal is not the same as fair. If one partner earns €4,000 a month and the other earns €1,500 because she went part-time for the children, a 50/50 split of the bills leaves her with almost nothing while he saves comfortably. I generally encourage couples to think proportionally instead: each contributes according to income, or better still, everything goes into the family pot and both partners have equal say and equal personal spending money. The right system varies from couple to couple, but the test is always the same: does each person end the month with dignity, or does one person carry all the sacrifice?

Why is it important for every woman to have access to her own money, regardless of whether she is employed or not?

Because having to ask permission to buy yourself a coffee changes how you see yourself. I’ve coached women who describe exactly this… the awkwardness of asking, the guilt of spending, the quiet erosion of self-worth that comes with it. Even when the husband is generous and constantly says ‘just ask if you need anything’, the asking itself is the problem.

Money of your own is not about secrecy or preparing for divorce. It’s about autonomy. It means you can buy a gift without it appearing on a shared statement, pursue a hobby, help a friend, or simply make a small decision without a committee meeting. It’s psychological, you might say… but I have found that these little things are game changers in a relationship. A woman with access to her own money participates in the relationship as an equal, not as a dependent. And equals build stronger marriages.

What practical budgeting systems can couples adopt to ensure financial independence for non-working partners?

A few systems come up again and again in my coaching, and they work:

A personal allowance account. A set amount transferred automatically every month into an account in her own name, no questions, no justification needed. This single change removes the need to ask, which is where most of the discomfort lives.

Regular money meetings. Once a month, sit down together and go through income, spending, savings and goals. Both partners see everything, both have a voice. In my experience coaching couples, these conversations do more for a relationship than any spreadsheet.

The three-account structure. One joint account for family expenses, plus a personal account for each partner. Family money is shared and transparent; personal money is private and unconditional.

Savings in her own name. Even small, regular amounts towards her own goals… a course, a project, a rainy day fund. Contributing to something of your own builds confidence in a way that’s hard to describe until you feel it.

None of this requires wealth. It requires intention, and a conversation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of joint bank accounts?

Joint accounts are wonderful for transparency and terrible as an only account. On the positive side, they make family life simpler: one place for the mortgage, the bills, the groceries. Both partners see the money moving, which builds trust and makes budgeting conversations easier. There’s also something symbolic about it… a shared account says ‘we’re building this together’.

The disadvantage appears when the joint account is the only account. Then every personal purchase is visible, every small indulgence open to comment, and if the relationship turns sour, or one partner becomes controlling, access can be restricted at the worst moment. There are also practical issues people rarely consider, such as what happens to account access when one partner passes away.

My general position: joint for the family, personal for each partner. It’s not a lack of trust. It’s good architecture.

Should stay-at-home mothers have pension contributions or savings in their own name?

Absolutely, and this is one of the most overlooked issues in family finance. A woman who spends ten or fifteen years raising children isn’t just forgoing salary during those years… she’s forgoing pension contributions, and that gap follows her into old age. It’s one of the reasons women so often reach retirement with far less than men, despite having worked just as hard, only without pay.

If one partner steps back from paid work, I encourage couples to treat her retirement as a family expense, exactly like the mortgage. That can mean regular contributions into savings or long-term investments held in her own name, and in Malta it’s worth learning about the options available for private pension saving and the related tax incentives. The details depend on each family’s situation, and this is education rather than advice… but the principle is universal: her future should not depend entirely on the marriage lasting or on her husband’s pension. She earned her own security. It should exist in her own name.

What budgeting tips for women can help protect them financially if a relationship ends unexpectedly?

I want to be careful here, because protecting yourself is not the same as expecting the worst. Think of it like a seatbelt… wearing one doesn’t mean you plan to crash.

First, know the full picture. Know what accounts exist, what’s owed on the home, what insurance policies are in place, where the important documents are. Ignorance feels comfortable until the day it doesn’t.

Second, keep money and credit in your own name. An account of your own, savings of your own, and ideally some financial history in your own name, because rebuilding from zero is much harder.

Third, keep your earning power alive. Even a career pause doesn’t have to mean disappearing professionally. Part-time work, freelancing, volunteering, keeping skills current… I’ve coached women who rebuilt an income from a talent they thought was worthless, and the ones who stayed connected to the working world found the road back far shorter.

And if anyone reading this recognises not carelessness but control in her situation, money being used to trap rather than to build, please reach out for support. In Malta, Agenzija Appogg (Tel: 179) and Caritas Malta are there precisely for this.

When should couples discuss finances, especially if one partner intends to take time away from work for childcare or caregiving?

Before the decision, not after the resentment. The biggest financial mistakes I see in couples aren’t bad investments… they’re conversations that never happened. If one of you is considering stepping back from work, sit down while it’s still an idea and talk through everything: how long the break might last, how personal spending will work, what happens to her pension and savings during those years, and how the arrangement will be reviewed as life changes.

When my wife paused her career for our daughter, it plunged us into uncharted waters, financially and emotionally. What kept us steady wasn’t a clever budget. It was constant communication… expressing needs, fears and hopes before they turned into silence. So my honest answer is: discuss finances early, and then never stop. A money conversation once a month, in calm times, prevents the money argument that otherwise arrives in a crisis.

And lastly, what is the single most important financial boundary every woman should establish within a relationship?

Never allow yourself to become financially invisible. That’s the boundary underneath all the others. It means: I will always know what we have and what we owe. I will always have access to money of my own. I will always have a voice in the decisions. Everything else, the accounts, the systems, the percentages, is just the machinery that makes this possible.

A woman can happily hand over the day-to-day admin of the finances… plenty of couples divide tasks that way, and it works. What she should never hand over is knowledge and access. The moment you stop seeing the numbers, you stop being a partner in them. And here’s what I’ve learned from years of coaching: the women who hold this boundary don’t have weaker marriages. They have stronger ones, because a relationship between two people who each stand on their own feet is a choice renewed every day, not a dependency neither can escape.