The reality is that after a long day at work most of us do not feel like having sex. We’d rather lounge on the sofa with a nice glass of wine or a cup of tea and catch upon the latest Netflix series. However, studies indicate that a healthier sex life can help us feel relaxed, sleep better and improve our connection with our partner. So why aren’t we having more of it?
A woman’s sexual response is extremely complex. It does not simply involve a physical reaction but is usually effected by relationship satisfaction, cultural and religious beliefs, body image, age, stress levels and mental health. Interestingly, research suggests that for women, sexual arousal comes before desire, so once we make the effort to be intimate then we tend to enjoy it. Knowing all this why is sex not a priority for a good number of us?
In clinic, women give me various reasons for not having sex: “too tired”, “too stressed”, “too painful”, “we have drifted apart”, “too shy to be naked in front of my partner”, “we have different sexual needs”, “I was betrayed before, how can I trust again?”. Sex is intimate, we can feel vulnerable, and one difficult sexual experience can throw us off sex big time.
If we’d like to have a healthier sex life we need to look at what’s holding us back and invest time and energy to make it better.
Tips on how to have a healthier sex life:
Read: There are a number of good, self-help resources that can help us increase our understanding of sexuality, intimacy and relationships. It might help to browse the internet and local bookstores, pick up some materials that apply to you and expand your awareness and knowledge on female sexuality and pleasure.
Talk: If you are experiencing sexual difficulties or dissatisfaction talk about it. Your partner is not a mind-reader and cannot have access to your thoughts and emotions about sex. This could sound something like:
“I would like us to have more foreplay before intercourse as if I am not lubricated enough intercourse can be painful”.
“More physical intimacy outside the bedroom can help me engage more with sex in the evening”
“I do not feel we are giving sexual intimacy enough importance in our relationship”.
Put it down on your calendar: Many couples feel uncomfortable with the idea of scheduling sex as they feel that sexual intimacy should happen spontaneously. However, if both partners have full stressful days and then come home to kids, pets, cooking and cleaning, sex can become another chore. Planning a time where you can both connect, talk and be intimate every week can do wonders for a relationship.
Touch: One of the main functions of sex therapy is to move focus from sexual intercourse and genitals to finding alternative erogenous zones and focusing on pleasure.Take time to explore each other’s body. Enjoy being together, explore different sexual positions, and use sex toys. Knowing our own bodies well and knowing what gives us pleasure, can help us have healthier sex lives and enjoy each other more.
Wham recommends…
What customers say…
Cheaper than buying this many condoms in a shop, good quality and a nice variation. I wasn’t sure if buying condoms online could be risky but they are very legit. Also saves the awkwardness of buying condoms in a shop!
Durex Condoms Customer
I suffer from anxiety and tense up alot and these help so much just to make things a little more comfortable. Best sex ever with theses amazing products
Durex Lube Customer
Looks really classy, I love the sleek matte black with gold tip, and because of its style it doesnt look intimidating to my hubby 🙂 he is quite happy to get involved…
Loads of settings for different vibration strength and patterns, all exciting and useful. Comes in discrete packaging, has an instruction leaflet (not that its really needed!) And has a nice little pouch included for you to pop your new best friend in. I’d definitely recommend and much better than other things I’ve tried.
Yicoco Wand Massager Customer
Where do I start? I’m a lady of a certain size and with this on… I feel absolutely amazing. Doesn’t look cheap but luxurious and trendy. Comfortable fit and gorgeous. A beautiful and elegant sexy purchase
RZS Lingerie Customer
Anna Catania (M.Cons. PG(Dip) Psychosexual and relationship therapy is a warranted counsellor specialised in the area if sex and relationships. She provides counselling to individuals and couples who are having difficulties with sexuality, relationships and intimacy.
Click here to check out Anna’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
