If we are drunk or if everyone around us seems to be doing it, we might feel pressured to have sex. This is where sexual consent comes in. We need to talk about consent…it’s not really a sexy word…but it can help us have great sex…
In theory we all understand that if, for example, I am feeling hungry and my friend is eating a packet of crisps, I should ask before taking some, not just pop my hand into the packet and grab a handful.
The same applies with sexual consent. In theory we understand the concept of having our own personal space and letting people into that space if we know and trust them. However, if we are drunk or if everyone around us seems to be doing it, we might feel pressured to have sex. We don’t talk about it, discuss it and explore it, and might be led into doing something we really prefer not to. Moreover, when intoxicated we might misread the cues that someone is giving us as to whether it is ok to invade their personal space or not.
Studies carried out by the University of Galway in Ireland informed the development of a theoretical framework, ‘SMART’ to explain the main areas of sexual consent we need to consider.
SMART is an acronym that stands for:
S: Sexual orientation and gender identity:
Consent needs to be respected independently of sexual orientation and gender identity.
M: State of Mind:
When giving consent parties involved need to feel free to decide. Clear thinking, free from the influence of alcohol and drugs is important in giving consent.
A: All forms of intimacy and sexual Activity:
From kissing, to touching, to oral and penetrative sex.
Sexual consent needs to be present throughout the sexual activity and participants can decide to stop and withdraw consent at any point of the process.
R: Relationship:
Sexual consent needs to be present independently of whether the relationship is a committed or a casual one.
T: Talking:
Consent can be verbal or non-verbal and needs to be respected in both instances.
“We need to talk about consent…it’s not really a sexy word…but it can help us have great sex…”
I really encourage you to see this short youtube video. It was written, produced and directed by New York University students and alumni after 18 hours of interviews with students and graduates from New York City. In my opinion, it gives a very interesting perspective of consent and what good sex is all about.
Have you experienced a violation of sexual consent?Would you like to share your experience anonymously with us at wham? Contact us or send us an email at [email protected]
Anna Catania (M.Cons. PG(Dip) Psychosexual and relationship therapy is a warranted counsellor specialised in the area if sex and relationships. She provides counselling to individuals and couples who are having difficulties with sexuality, relationships and intimacy.
Click here to check out Anna’s full bio as well as a list of all her Wham published articles
